Learning How to Fall
by Francesca Jones
Summary: After Rory loses her virginity to Dean, Emily makes her an offer that sends her to New York for the summer. What will happen when she runs into Jess, and what kind of choices will they both have to make? Literati. COMPLETE
1. Runaway

**Learning How to Fall**

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** What if instead of offering to take her to Europe, Emily made Rory a different offer for the summer? This is a plot bunny that came gnawing at my ankles during work. I don't know how it'll pan out, but I hope you'll all read and review! Oh, story title is from a song from Jon Bon Jovi's solo album "Destination Anywhere." Most chapter titles will be either JBJ or justplain Bon Jovi titles as well. Enjoy!

* * *

"Rory? It's Grandma." Emily said into the telephone.

"Oh, hi Grandma." Rory said, wiping away some stray tears. It seemed she was doing nothing but crying these days. She was so sure Dean was going to leave Lindsey for her, and now it didn't look like that was going to happen. She'd lost her virginity to a married man.

"What's wrong, Rory? You sound upset." Emily asked with a worried tone in her voice. She twisted the cord in her elegant hand as she waited for Rory's response.

"It's nothing really, Grandma." Rory lied. "It's just a little guy trouble. I'll be fine though. What's love without heartbreak and all that jazz, right?"

"Well,you're young as of yet.But I'm calling because I have an interesting proposition for you. What are your plans for this summer?"

_Crying and thinking about what an idiot I am._ Rory didn't voice this thought though. Instead, she said, "Nothing spectacular. I'll probably just do some reading and hang out around town. Maybe mom and I can get to the beach for a weekend." Rory bit her lip. That wouldn't happen if their relationship continued to be so strained.

"Well, as stimulating as all that sounds," Emily said sarcastically, "How would you feel about spending the summer in New York City?"

"What do you mean, Grandma?" Rory asked, confused.

"Well, you know that your grandfather and I are separating. We've decided that it's in our best interest to sell some of our property. We're going to sell our townhouse in New York, but not until the renovations are through. You do remember the townhouse?" Emily questioned.

"I do." Rory agreed. "But what does any of that have to do with me?"

"Well, our original plan was for your grandfather and I to spend the summer down there overseeing the renovations, but that understandably doesn't seem like the best idea anymore. I'd go myself, but I don't fancy being alone in that place with all the workers and the like. Plus, I've had an offer to accompany Elizabeth Francis to Paris for six weeks. You do remember Elizabeth?"

"Not even a little." Rory said honestly. "But continue please. You can't go this far and not let me in on the third act!"

"I'd like you to do some house sitting for me, Rory." Emily responded. "The first six weeks you'd be on your own, but I'd join you in the middle of July. If the thought of being by yourself makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to say no. In fact, I'd understand if you said no. However, I thought you might enjoy seeing what it's like to live on your own and be in the city. Also, there's no one I'd trust more than you to make sure that the renovations are going smoothly."

"Grandma, you don't have to sell me on the idea! I'd love to housesit for you. I could really use the time by myself." _Because my mother hates me and I pretty much hate myself at this point._

"Really? Oh, that's wonderful, Rory! I'm so happy you've agreed! And, of course, you won't be completely alone. I have plenty of friends with responsible, attractive grandsons around your age. I'll make sure they check on you." Emily said, not hiding her intention at all.

"I have no doubt you will, Grandma. Would it do any good to say I'm not interested in seeing anyone right now?"

"No." Came the short reply.

"I didn't think so. When would you like me there?"

"Sometime next week would be fine. Wednesday or Thursday would be perfect. Can you be ready by then? We'll send a car for you and your mother. I'm sure she'll want to send you off."

_Maybe._ "Yeah, I'm sure she will. Thursday will be fine. What will I need?"

"Just clothes and your personal items. I'll set you up with plenty of money for food and other expenses. You won't want for a thing while you're doing this for me. Really, Rory, you have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you so much."

"It's really no trouble, Grandma. I'm happy to do it." _I'm happy to do anything to forget that I'm an adulteress. I'm the other woman_.

"Well then, I'll call you later in the week to discuss the plans more." Emily said. "And again, Rory, thank you."

"Bye, Grandma." Rory said.

"Goodbye, Rory."

Rory replaced the receiver it its cradle. This was exactly what she needed to get her life back in order. Six weeks all by herself in New York. She could read, hang out in Central Park, do the whole tourist thing, and scour bookstores and record stores. Lane might be able to come visit her, and if things got better, she knew her mother would spend a few days out there with her as well. This was perfect.

Rory decided to go down to the Dragonfly to tell her mother about the plans she and grandma had made, and she tried to pretend that she didn't know that Jess was in New York.

* * *

"Hey, Sookie." Rory said, entering the Dragonfly's kitchen.

"Hey, kiddo! Haven't seen you around here much lately." Sookie said, stirring soup and pretending Lorelai hadn't told her about the fight.

"I know. It's been a crazy few days. Do you know where my mom is?" Rory asked, leaning on the counter and smiling at Sookie.

"She should be at the front desk." Sookie said, smiling at Rory. "Just follow the sound of the yelling."

Rory nodded and went out into the lobby. As soon as she did, she understood what Sookie meant.

"Michel, I don't _care_ if you think five towels in each room are too many! Do you see this face? This is my not-caring face! If you have a problem with our towel policy, take it up with the owner. Hi, I'm the owner. Can I help you?" Lorelai's voice was heavy with sarcasm and annoyance.

"Um, mom?" Rory said, biting her lip to hide her smile. She hated to break this fight up.

Lorelai looked at her daughter, and then back to Michel. "This is the end of the fight. If I find out you're taking towels from the rooms again, I'm having you deported."

Michel walked off, muttering in French to himself.

Lorelai approached Rory and said, "His biggest fear is running out of clean towels."

"He has amazing cleanliness issues for a Frenchman." Rory said.

Her mother smiled and reached out a hand to smooth her daughter's hair. "What's up, daughter of mine? Do you need me?"

"I just wanted to tell you about the plans I made with grandma today." Rory said, leading her mother over to a sofa.

Lorelai stayed amazingly calm at the mention of her mother and simply nodded. "The housesitting thing? I'm surprised she just now spoke to you about it. She asked my permission yesterday."

Rory was shocked. "So, you know about it all? And you're OK with it?"

"I know, yes. I'm not OK with it, but I had a feeling you'd want to do it. Look, kid, I hope you know that all my worrying is all for you. But you haven't needed me worrying about you for years. I think spending some time alone in New York will be good for you, as long as you let me visit for a few days." Lorelai said, taking her daughter's hand.

Rory smiled at her mom and tried her hardest not to cry. "You're one hell of a woman, Lorelai Gilmore."

Lorelai smiled and kissed her daughter's head. "So are you, Lorelai Gilmore. Go on back to the house; make a list of what you want to pack."

Rory stood and smiled down at her mom. "Mom, I…"

Lorelai just nodded. "I know, babe. Me too. I'll see you at home."

As Rory walked away, Lorelai smiled at the back of her daughter's head and tried to shove from her mind any thoughts of Jess and the fact that he lived in New York City. That boy wasn't going to hurt her daughter again. With so many people in New York, it was doubtful that they'd ever see each other there.

* * *

**Next Chapter: Rory in New York!**


	2. Little City

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N: **Thanks for the positive feedback, guys! It's all much appreciated. Remember, reviewing makes the world go 'round. :)

**Chapter 2: Little City**

"Well, you've really got it made here, kid." Lorelai said to her daughter. They were sitting on the steps of the townhouse while the driver Emily had sent waited patiently to take Lorelai back to Stars Hollow.

"Yeah." Rory said, looking around her. "This is going to be a good thing. I need the time away from…from Dean."

"And from me." Lorelai added quietly. She slung an arm around Rory's shoulders. "We'll still talk though, and I'm going to try my hardest to spend a couple of days up here with you. You can't shake me that easily." Rory was ready to protest but Lorelai put a hand to her mouth to quiet her. "I know, I know. That's not what you're doing. You just need the time by yourself. Save your breath, kiddo. It's all right. The time apart is going to be good for me too. I'll get to spend a lot more time with Luke." Lorelai broke out into a sappy smile.

"Eww. Mental images!" Rory exclaimed, bringing her hands to her ears.

Lorelai removed Rory's hands and touched her forehead to her daughter's. "I love you, baby."

"I know. I love you too, mom." Rory responded.

Lorelai stood up and pulled Rory to her feet. They embraced for a long moment before Lorelai pulled away. "You have that pepper spray I gave you?"

Rory nodded. "And the list of the worst places in New York City, and the book on defending yourself without knowing martial arts."

"Did you like that? Kirk suggested it." Lorelai said. Without letting Rory respond she continued, "OK. I'm going to get going." She kissed Rory on the head. "See ya soon."

"Bye, mom." Rory said. She watched her mother get into the car. She watched the driver drive away. She watched the car turn the corner. As she watched the car vanish from her sight, she smiled. Alone at last.

The townhouse was lovely. There was absolutely no doubt about that. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room, dining room, a den, a study, and a nice kitchen which was well equipped with a telephone to order takeout.

Rory had set herself up in the smallest of the three bedrooms. The largest was the one her grandparents had used, and the other the one her mother had occupied as a child. So, she'd chosen the smallest because she didn't feel right using either of the other rooms, even though they almost completely bare. There were still a few personal affects and knickknacks strewn about sparsely, but that was it.

Saying the room was the smallest, however, didn't mean it was small. It was at least double the size of her room at home. She'd unpacked her clothes, books and CDs. It was still strange, but it made it more comfortable for Rory. She was ready to let the healing begin. She was ready to forget about Dean and adultery and fighting with her mother. She was ready for six weeks of quality time with herself to think things through and read some good books and listen to some great music. She was ready to sightsee and do some shopping and loiter in Central Park. She was ready to have a nice, calm summer by herself.

Fate wasn't ready to let Rory Gilmore have her way.

* * *

It was one week later when Rory got the call from Dean. Well, actually, the voicemail. She'd been sitting in the kitchen, observing the plumber as he fixed the pipes, and she hadn't heard her cell phone ring. She stared blankly at the words on the screen. _1 NEW VOICEMAIL. _She stared and stared until her eyes got tired and the words blurred together to form one hazy, illegible line. She blinked and, to her dismay, the words were still there.

With shaky hands, Rory dialed her voicemail and punched in her password. The automated voice came on the line and said, "You have one unheard message."

It was Dean's voice that spoke next. "Rory, its Dean. I know you're gone for the summer. I don't know if you'll call me back. Part of me hopes you won't. Look, I'm sorry. Lindsey and I, well, we're going to stay together. We were talking and we really think we can work some stuff out. Look, I know I made you think that we…Don't think that night wasn't special, ok? Because it was. I…I really loved you. But, I have to try to work things out with my wife. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

There were tears streaming down Rory's pretty face as she erased the message and quietly closed the phone. She placed it back on her dresser before going back out into the kitchen. The plumber saw her enter and stood up.

"I'm done here in the kitchen, Ms. Gilmore." He said, smiling patronizingly at her. He made it clear as soon as he walked in the door that he didn't want her watching over him. "I'll just get started on the bathroom pipes."

Rory narrowed her eyes at him. "No. Leave."

The plumber sputtered for a moment before asking, "Are you firing me?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "No. I don't have the authority to fire you. Unless you hit on me or break something. And if you hit on me, I'll do more than fire you. I've read the book my mom gave me. Come back tomorrow to do the bathroom pipes. Alright? Good. Have a pleasant day."

The man looked at her in shock, but nodded and said, "I'll be back at 10 tomorrow." He left without saying another word. Rory calmly walked into the living room and picked up a blue vase that was sitting there. She held it in her hands for a few moments.

"I'm an idiot." Rory said to herself. "I'm nothing but an idiot. I slept with a married man and assumed he was going to leave his wife for me. _His wife_! Lindsey is his wife. I'm just…some girl he slept with." Tears were falling from her face and rolling down her chin. "I really thought he loved me again, that he missed me. What the Hell is wrong with me? He got in a fight with his wife, and I was just-." Rory brought her arm back and hurled the vase against the wall. It shattered into pieces in front of Rory's eyes. She dropped down to her knees and released several wracking sobs.

"I was just convenient."

Rory wrapped herself up into a ball on the living room floor and cried until she fell asleep.

* * *

Rory woke up about two hours later to sunlight pouring in on her from the windows. She was still curled up into her little ball. She stretched out and tried to relax her sore muscles.

"Sleeping in the fetal position is now on my list of things never to do. Right after any former member of a boyband." Rory mumbled to herself. She looked at her wristwatch. It was 4 in the afternoon. She'd been sleeping since one. She looked down at the shards of the vase that were still on the ground.

"OK, I've got to get out of here." Rory said decidedly. She went into her bedroom and changed into a pair of jeans and a white button-down shirt. She brushed out her short brown hair and stared at her bloodshot eyes. She looked worn and tired and she was still shaking a little bit. She looked like a drug addict.

"Yup. That's me." Rory said, rubbing at her now dry eyes. "Addicted to pain." She took a moment to think about her statement. "Wow. If I get anymore country, I'm gonna have to buy a cowboy hat and start singing about cheating hearts." Rory shook her head at herself. "Stop pitying yourself, Gilmore. And stop talking to yourself too. It's kind of creepy. Ok, I now officially need to get out of here."

Rory grabbed her purse and walked out the door, locking it behind her. She hailed a taxi and requested to go to Greenwich Village. There was a bookstore she had seen there on Sunday, but it had been closed. Now was a perfect opportunity to try again.

* * *

Rory was in literary heaven. _No Page Unturned_ was a place that a girl like Rory could only dream about. They had copies of almost every book she could imagine, and because it was in Greenwich Village, it had a huge section on up-and-coming authors and poets. Rory was practically salivating over the book in her hands- it was a true account of a girl who had gone for years pretending to be blind to observe people's reactions to her because they thought she couldn't see.

"It's not as good as you might think." A female voice said behind her.

Rory turned around and saw a girl a little older than her across the aisle, looked at the inside cover of a book. She was a very pretty girl with hair that was dyed a deep shade of purple. When she looked up at Rory, she revealed her large, ice blue eyes that were heavily lined with black eyeliner. She had a full mouth that was curved up into a smile and high cheekbones that a model would kill for. She was dressed in faded jeans with holes in the knees and a tank top that read 'Drop Bush, not Bombs.'

"What'd you say?" Rory asked her.

"The book. It started out good, but by the end it was just pretentious whining. It actually made me want to burn it, and I've never said that about a book before. Well, unless you count Hemmingway…and I don't."

Rory laughed. "I hate Hemmingway! The man should die…again."

The girl laughed and eyed Rory up and down. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"What makes you say that?" Rory asked defensively.

She shrugged. "Call me crazy, call me stereotypical, or hey just call me a sighted person. We don't see a lot of people who look like you in the Village. It's all artsy types, angsty types, and wannabe hybrids of the two."

"And what are you?" Rory snapped.

"Me? Oh I'm a wannabe hybrid, and perfectly OK with that. But my original question stands. What are you?"

Rory sighed deeply and shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea." _I will not cry in front of a stranger. I will not cry in front of a stranger._ The mantra did nothing though. Rory quickly rubbed her eyes to rid them of the tears that she felt forming.

The girl cocked her head to the side. "Wow. I've never made someone I didn't know cry before. Are you alright?"

"That depends. Is absolutely disgusted with yourself an acceptable definition of 'alright'?" Rory asked, still struggling to hold in tears.

"Ya know, I've never looked it up before." The girl said with a smile. "Look, I don't know what's wrong and I don't expect you to pour your heart out to a stranger. But my name is Claire, and if you'd like, you can come upstairs with me, clean yourself up, and I'll give you my copy of Blind Spot so you can be disgusted with it too."

Rory cocked an eyebrow. "That's really creepy. Are you aware that was really creepy?"

Claire laughed. "It might've been. I probably should've mentioned that I live above the store. My roommate's up there too. I don't girl preppy college girls or anything, I promise. Now put you in some torn denim and a Distillers T-shirt and maybe."

Rory had to laugh at this girl's bright and open personality. She actually reminded her a little of Lorelai. "Sure. But just so you know, I carry pepper spray and am capable of defending myself in ways not reliant on martial arts."

Claire just nodded. "My dad bought me that book when I moved out too. C'mon. Oh, what's your name?"

"I'm Rory." Rory said, letting Claire lead her to the back of the store.

"Good to meet you." Claire said, still smiling.

As they went to go up the back stair, a surly, chubby man said, "Where the Hell is your roommate, Peterson? Tell him he's fired."

Claire just laughed. "He'll be down soon Tony. He's showering. You don't want him to smell again, do ya?"

The man she called Tony just grunted and agreed. "He smells disgusting when he doesn't shower. Tell him he as 10 minutes."

"Will do." Claire agreed before motioning for Rory to follow her.

* * *

_Wow. Just wow._ Rory thought, looking around Claire's apartment in awe. It was small. The living room and kitchen bled together, there was one bedroom, and Rory could only hope that the closed door led to a bathroom. It was amazing though. There were books and CDs thrown about haphazardly. There were classics like Tolstoy and the Bronte sisters mixed in with modern books, and great CDs like The Who and David Bowie mixed in with obscure bands, some that even Rory hadn't heard of. There were paintings, drawings, and posters all over the walls. A long stretch of unfinished canvas covered one entire wall. There were the beginnings of what looked like a man's profile on it, but it wasn't anywhere near being finished.

"It's going to be my roommate eventually." Claire said, noticing Rory staring at it. "He was meant to be immortalized in paintings and poetry. Have a seat. Want some coffee?"

"Sure." Rory said, still sniffling. She sat on the worn out sofa and continued to look around.

Claire handed her a cup of coffee and some tissues and said, "So, what brings you to New York?"

"I'm spending the summer house sitting for my grandma." Rory said, dabbing at her eyes with the tissues.

"That's pretty sweet." Claire said. "Where ya from? Wait. Let me guess. Connecticut?"

"Yeah. How'd you know that?" Rory asked, amazed, impressed, and a little nervous.

"Just a guess." Claire said with a smile. "That's where I'm from too, actually. You just struck me as a Connecticut girl."

Rory sipped her coffee and said, "What do Connecticut girls look like?"

Claire shrugged. "We just have a look about us. Something that screams 'born and bred in suburban Connecticut! I think only other Connecticutians can see it. Kind of like how dogs can always smell their own."

Rory tilted her head to the side. "Do dogs do that?"

"I think I just made it up, but maybe!" Claire said. The two girls shared a laugh. It was an awkward situation, but Rory still felt unusually comfortable with this girl.

All of a sudden, the water stopped running in what Rory was still assuming was the bathroom. Claire stood up. "Gotta play mom for a second."

Claire stood and skipped over to the bathroom where she knocked obnoxiously loudly on the door. "Mari! Mari! I know you can hear me! Tony says you're fired, but I think I got you 10 minutes! So hurry up, Mari!" She turned and walked back over to Rory, who was wearing a confused expression.

"I thought your roommate was a boy." She said, raising an eyebrow at Claire.

Claire took a sip of her own coffee and said, "He is. Mari is a little nickname I gave him that pisses him off beyond reason. It's actually short for his last name."

"She knows what it's short for." A familiar male voice snapped into their conversation.

Rory's heart sank to her feet. She'd know that voice if she were deaf. Slowly, she turned to the bathroom. The door was now open and Jess stood in the doorway, hands on narrow hips. He was wearing jeans and no shirt. They stood there for a few moments, Rory's shocked gaze wavering under Jess' annoyed and angry one.

Claire looked back and forth from one to the other. "Umm, do you guys know each other?" She asked, confused.

Jess nodded slowly and he sneered at his ex-girlfriend. "Small world, isn't it?"


	3. In and Out of Love

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Again, thanks for the positive reviews :) You guys are awesome. This might be the last steady update for a while, but I'll try to get a chapter a week to you guys. Soon, the fun stuff (aka the Rory/Jess interaction) begins. Reviews make me happy!

**Chapter 3: In and Out of Love**

Rory was still staring with unblinking, unbelieving eyes at Jess. Jess's face also registered the shock of seeing his ex-girlfriend, but that was secondary to the anger on his face. It was anger brought on by the hurt he felt when she rejected him, and anger was just easier for him to deal with.

"What are you doing here?" Jess demanded, hostility dripping from his voice.

Rory made no attempt to answer, but her lower lip was quivering. Seeing Jess right now was absolutely not what she needed, and she felt like she was going to cry again.

Claire saw this and answered for her new friend. "I met Rory downstairs in the shop and invited her up so I could lend her Blind Spot and witness for herself how terrible it is." Whatever was upsetting Rory, Claire had a very strong feeling that she wouldn't want Jess to know about it.

"That is a terrible book." Jess responded to Claire, but his eyes never left Rory. "What are you doing in New York?"

Rory opened her mouth to answer, but felt the tears reemerging and shut it again without answering.

"She's housesitting for her grandmother." Claire responded.

"I didn't realize you changed your name to Rory." Jess snapped at his roommate.

Claire's big eyes got wide. "Oh don't you dare snap at me, Jess Mariano. This isn't about me. I'm just trying to help the girl out." She commanded coolly.

Jess muttered something that sounded apologetic to Rory, and she looked disbelievingly at Claire. She'd just gotten an apology out of Jess, something Rory had very rarely, if ever, gotten from the boy.

As soon as Jess's gaze returned to Rory, the hardness returned. "So, someone else offers you New York and you jump right on that, huh?" He asked snidely.

"I'm not staying. I'm just here for the summer." Rory said, speaking for herself finally. "Grandma didn't ask me to throw my life away."

Jess's dark eyes flashed pain for just a moment before the wall of anger he'd built was erected again. _That's what she thinks I asked her to do,_ he thought, _God, why couldn't she have gotten ugly or something?_

"For someone so smart, you're pretty dumb." Was the response he gave.

Rory sniffed back a tear and snapped, "Well, I had the master to teach me about that."

Jess just turned to Claire. "How much more of that ten minutes do I have?"

Claire looked at her watch. "About four."

Jess walked past the girls into the bedroom. He came out again, wearing a green t-shirt. Rory had to try very hard not to remember that she loved him in green because it brought out the gold in his hazel eyes.

Jess walked out the door and slammed it hard behind him.

Claire turned to Rory and said, "He won't be back till about 10 tonight. You can cry now." She handed her more tissues.

"Thanks." Rory whispered, allowing the tears to fall freely. She blew her nose into the tissue before squeezing it into a little ball in her fist. "He hates me."

"Jess?" Claire asked with a small laugh. "Jess hates everyone but me and his uncle. Although I don't think he hates you as much as he'd like you to think he does."

"His uncle…" Rory said. "Luke?"

Claire nodded. "Unshaven man, all about the flannel?"

Rory smirked. "My mother's boyfriend. You-you've met Luke?"

"Just once." Claire responded. "He helped move Jess into this place. Like, physically, not financially." She elaborated.

Rory stared at her, not believing what she was hearing. "Luke helped Jess move."

Claire nodded. "Yeah. Apparently, he stopped by to see him and saw that he was moving and offered to help. Surly guy, but amusing enough. I liked him. Jess is crazy about him. I mean, he'd never voice that aloud of course. But sometimes, Jess is so transparent."

There came those tears again. Rory was weeping openly again. This time though, it had very little to do with Dean. It was all about her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, a girl that Rory could very easily learn to become very good friends with.

"So, um, how long have you been dating Jess?" Rory questioned between tears.

Claire laughed loudly. "Oh my god, I think I just had a heart attack from laughing too hard." She continued to laugh until tears sprung to her eyes. She brushed them away and responded, "You think I'm Jess's girlfriend?" She asked.

Rory nodded. "Well, yeah. You seem to know him very well. He apologized to you for snapping at you. And you live with him in…in a one bedroom apartment." The thought of Jess and Claire sharing a bed upset Rory in a way she didn't want to think about.

"Oh, sweetheart. You've got it all wrong. I do know Jess very well. We're really good friends. I've known him since before he left for that Stars Hollow place the first time. I worked in the bookstore myself then and he came in all the time. He apologizes when we fight because he knows when he's wrong he has to apologize to me. When I'm wrong, I apologize to him. As for the bedroom, the sofa you're sitting on pulls out into a bed. I sleep there."

Rory felt relieved. She felt very relieved and she couldn't explain why. She didn't want Jess anymore. That's why she'd turned him away when he came back to her, begging her to start over with him…wasn't it? To avoid thinking about it, Rory was instead trying to figure out how old Claire must be.

"So, if you were working there before Jess moved away, you must've been like 16 right?"

Claire shook her head. "I'm older than I look. I'm 22."

_Jess lives with an older woman. Jess lives with an older woman. Jess lives with an older woman._ The thought kept repeating itself in Rory's head, and it was upsetting her deeply.

"So, Rory, how do you know the charming Jess?"

"We used to date." Rory said simply.

Claire rolled her eyes. "I kinda picked up on that one. You're not- no; you're not the Yale girl are you?" She asked with great interest.

Rory shrugged. "Probably. He-he talks about me?" She demanded, trying to keep the hope out of her voice.

"Not out of choice." Claire said. "When he got back from his mom's wedding, right before he moved in here, I could tell he was upset. So I pretty much told him if he didn't tell me about you then I'd withdraw my offer to let him live here. Extortion is an amazing way to get Jess to talk. Anyway, he told me that you went to Yale and were from Stars Hollow and that he asked you to come here. He said you said no."

"That's all?" Rory asked, disappointed.

It wasn't all. Jess had also told Claire about how much he loved Yale Girl, as he referred to her. But that was a confidence between her and her best friend that she wasn't going to share with this girl she just met. "It's all he said out loud. But it was obvious in his voice how much it hurt him."

Rory nodded. "I knew he was hurt. But I just don't feel the same about him anymore."

Claire saw the way her eyes shifted as she said it. She was lying. Claire read people very well, and she could tell that there was still something there. She still cared about him.

"Well, people fall out of love. It happens." Claire said, still reveling in her new knowledge. "How long are you here for?" She asked curiously.

"Until August, but I'm by myself till mid-July." Rory responded.

"That's too bad. But hey, do you want to get together to talk again sometime? Or we could see a movie or a concert or something. I love Jess, but he's so ridiculous and moody that I can't get him to go anywhere with me. And when your only friend is a shut-in, you don't get out too much. Plus, nothing against him, but sometimes you just need a girl to hang with."

Rory wanted to hang out with this girl again. Claire was funny and nice and actually reminded her of a combination of her mother and Lane. But she didn't know what that'd mean about her seeing Jess, and she was terrified of spending much time with him and having him yell at her more. That was the last thing she needed right now.

"We don't have to spend time here if you don't want to." Claire said in an assuring voice. "I know that might be uncomfortable. But come on, do you really want to spend five weeks all by yourself?"

"No." Rory responded. "I don't. I guess we could like check out a show or something. I mean, I'd love to have someone to talk to about books and stuff."

"Well, I'm your girl!" Claire exclaimed. "That reminds me." She went over to the table and picked up the book they'd been discussing. "Read it. See what you think. We can talk about it. I'm sorry if I seem excited about female companionship, but well, you've met Jess. You probably understand."

Rory nodded. "I do. Why don't I give you my cell number and you can call me later in the week?"

"Sure. I'll give you the number to the apartment too." Rory looked apprehensive about that and Claire reassured her by saying "We screen our calls. Jess won't answer."

The girls exchanged numbers and then Claire saw her new friend to the door. "If you go down the side steps, they take you right out to the street and you won't have to go through the bookstore."

Rory smiled gratefully. "Thanks so much for everything, Claire. And I promise the next time we hang out I'll be a lot more fun."

Claire watched Rory leave and she had a plan already formulating in the back of her mind.

* * *

"So, you're going to hang out with her again?" Jess demanded. He was looking at the pad of paper with Rory's name and cell phone number written down on it.

Claire didn't look up from her sketch. "I'm planning on it." She responded. "Why, issues with that?" She demanded.

"No." Jess said, too quickly. "I can't control who you're friends with."

"Yes, you can." Claire said, finally looking up at Jess. "We've been friends for a very long time, baby doll. If you said to me, 'Claire, it makes me very uncomfortable that you want to be friends with my ex-girlfriend who I'm still in love with. Please don't."

"I'm not still in love with her." Jess snapped. "And do what you want! Just don't bring her around when I'm here!" He pushed himself off the couch and stormed into the bedroom. He slammed the door behind him so hard that several posters fell off the wall.

"Oh yeah." Claire whispered with a smile, turning back to her sketch of Jess and the sad look in his eyes he'd had when he returned to see Rory's name and number on the coffee table. "Still in love with her. This is going to be fun."


	4. I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Wow. Thank you all so much for all the amazing reviews! You're all fantastic and fantastic readers make me want to write quicker! (That was my subtle way to tell you all to keep reviewing!) Anyway, this is just a little chapter about Jess and Rory's thoughts. Things will be picking up very soon, I promise.

Oh, to answer a question asked in a review, Literati is the term given to both the Jess/Rory pairing and the intelligent, fabulous people that support said pairing :) On to the chapter...

**Chapter 4: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead**

Jess was reading silently in his bed. He tossed the thin volume, _Howl_, aside in frustration. What had started out as a very normal day had gone to Hell extremely quickly. First, seeing Rory standing there in his apartment, looking sad and tragic and absolutely beautiful. Then, he had done the unthinkable: he lied to his best and only friend.

Jess still loved Rory. A day didn't pass when he didn't think about her, picture her smile, remember funny things she said. On the days when it was the worst, he even pulled out the single photograph he had of her. He'd snapped it quickly at the diner, before she'd realized he'd taken it. She was wearing her ghastly Chilton uniform and looking up at him, smiling softly. It was a beautiful picture of her and he loved it. He loved her. This wasn't about love though. It was about pride.

Jess had put himself on the line when he told Rory that he loved her, which was the reason he'd run away right after. He was terrified that she was going to reject him. Then, it became even more apparent to him that he just couldn't live without her, so he asked her to come to New York. Despite what she had said that day, his request hadn't meant for her to throw away her life. In his wildest dreams, he had hoped that she _would_ want to start over again with him. That she'd want to move to New York and give up everything for love. But he wasn't a fool. Well, he was, but not about this. He had assumed that when she heard his seemingly outlandish offer, she'd be shocked and instead make him a counteroffer. If she had asked him to move to Connecticut, as long as it wasn't that damned Stars Hollow, he'd have done it for her. He'd have done anything for her. But she'd said no. He threw all of his emotions on the line for her, and she's said no. That was all she said. Who knew that one word was capable of destroying you? _No._

He was brokenhearted. Jess Mariano, eternal bad boy who cared about absolutely nothing and no one was nursing a broken heart because of Rory Gilmore. He'd told Claire all about it as soon as he'd gotten back and hadn't said a word about it since. Claire knew him though, and she knew that he still cared for her. Jess was perfectly aware that Claire read him better than she could read a book and he really wasn't sure why he lied to her. It wasn't fear that Claire would blab to Rory. He knew her well enough to know she'd never do that. But he'd worked so hard to put on this façade of anger that he didn't want it to be ruined now. He didn't want anyone, even Claire, to know that this wasn't anger bubbling over. It was heartache.

A soft knock came on the door, and Jess looked up confused. Claire never knocked. "Come in."

Claire entered his room. Her deep purple hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing a short-sleeved black and green button-down shirt with 'Kwik-Mart' emblazoned on it. She was wearing a fresh, clean pair of jeans with no holes in them. In her hands, she held her black hat that she was required to wear. She worked full time at an all-night convenience store from 12 am to 8 am.

"You knocked." Jess said, raising one eyebrow at her. He sighed. "I'm not mad."

Claire laughed. "Don't lie to me, Jess. I _always_ know when you're lying to me." She said pointedly. "You're mad." She walked over to his bed and sat down next to him.

"I am." He agreed. "But not at you. At her, and at the situation. Why the Hell did she have to come here? Why the Hell did your bleeding heart have to feel for her and bring her up?"

"Of all the gin joints in all the world." Claire said, nodding.

"Exactly!" Jess exclaimed. "Why is she here?"

Claire shrugged. "Call me crazy, but I'm guessing it's Fate."

"No, not this Fate stuff again!" Jess said, knocking playfully into Claire with his shoulder. "Man controls his own destiny. Besides, she doesn't want me remember? And I don't even want her anymore. I'm glad she said no to me. It would've have worked out. I would've gotten tired of her and she would've hated me for it."

Claire shrugged and said, "Maybe you're right. Why are you so mad at her then, Jess?"

Jess tried to formulate a lie in his head, but honesty won out. He'd already lied to Claire enough for one evening. "Because she should've given me the chance to prove that I loved her and because she didn't love me back."

Claire nodded. _At last,_ she thought, _honesty_. "Well," She said, "I guess everyone needs an unrequited love. Mine's Johnny Depp, and yours is Rory Gilmore."

Jess gave a short laugh. "Yup. I've been there, and now I've moved on. What's so great about love anyway?" He demanded.

Claire shrugged and put her head on her best friend's shoulder. "If I ever figure it out, I'll tell ya." She picked up _Howl_. "Again?" She asked.

"What can I say?" Jess demanded. "It's a great book."

"It is." Claire agreed, thumbing through it. There were notes all over it. Some were in Jess's handwriting, and some belonged to a much more delicate hand that matched the one used on the pad of paper in the living room.

"Did you check out the Steinbeck I gave you?" Claire demanded.

"Yeah." Jess said. "And I just can't get into him. His style is so mock-epic and it's annoying."

Claire rolled her eyes and swatted him with the book she was holding and responded, "This from the guy who thinks Hemingway's use of the vignette is the best thing since Tolstoy."

Jess shoved her again. "Just because you can't appreciate the man's genius doesn't mean that he wasn't brilliant. He was." Jess slipped into silence then, remembering similar fights between himself and Rory. Claire and Rory were very similar people. In fact, what first drew him to Rory was that she reminded him of Claire. One conversation with her though, and Jess knew that Rory was so much more than Claire was though. He loved Claire, but he was in love with Rory. He had been since he met her.

"OK, I've gotta get to work." Claire said. She leaned over and kissed Jess on the cheek. "I love ya, kid." She said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah." Jess said, smiling weakly at her. "I love you too. See you tomorrow."

Claire walked out of the room and shut the door quietly behind her. Jess picked up the book again and took the picture of Rory from where it was, wedged between the last two pages. He looked at it with a small smile before replacing the picture, putting the book on the end table, turning off the lamp, and going to bed. He knew though, that sleep wouldn't come easy tonight.

* * *

Rory looked at the red numbers on her alarm clock. _12:07_ screamed back at her from the small device. Rory sighed deeply and sat up in bed. She switched on a lamp and let herself think about the events of the day. She let herself think of Jess. _Jess._

Looking at him still sent a shock of electricity straight down her spine. His eyes still sparkled and his hair was still messy and adorable. _He_ was still messy and adorable. Seeing him had pushed so much to the surface, so many things she hadn't wanted to think about.

He had come for her. He had come to her dorm and practically begged her to go with him. He said they were meant for each other and that he wanted to start over with her. And she said no because she was scared. She was scared that if she said yes, they'd both regret it. She was scared that she'd throw it all to the wind for him and for love and that he'd change his mind. She was scared that she'd have to tell her mom and her family and they'd disown her and she'd have nothing to come back to when Jess let her down.

She was even more scared that he wouldn't let her down. She was terrified by the determination and love in his pretty eyes. When he said that he changed and that she could rely on him now, she believed him. She had never felt anything like what she felt for Jess and it was absolutely terrifying. She was scared that actually taking that step and going with him would result in something bigger that she couldn't control. She was scared because she had really and truly wanted to go with him.

Rory gasped as she allowed the thought into her head. _I wanted to go with him_. She thought to herself. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it before, but she'd wanted to go with him. She wanted to move to New York with no plan for the future and nothing but Jess and their love. It was a silly desire that she had squelched before she even realized it existed. She heard him talking about love and being meant for each other, and she automatically made herself believe that he was wrong without really listening to him. She sent him away without thinking about what it meant. Now she knew what it meant.

_He hates me, _Rory thought to herself. _He hates me and he has every reason to. _She had sent him away, pretending that she didn't still love him. Then what had she done? She'd gone and thrown herself into the arms of her married ex-boyfriend because he was safe and sweet and reliable. And where was he now? At home with his wife. Where was Rory? Alone in a New York townhouse thinking about Jess.

She knew he was back in New York, or at least she had assumed. But she never expected to see him. Or at least, she hadn't wanted to think about seeing him. She knew maybe it could possibly happen, but she didn't want it to. Actually, she didn't want to want to see him. She wanted to forget all about Jess Mariano's existence. She didn't want to be in love with him.

Claire was an interesting character. Her personality was amazing and Rory was actually very excited about making friends with the outgoing girl. She was funny and had good taste in books and it was obvious why she and Jess were friends. What Rory couldn't understand though, is _why_ they were just friends. They'd make an amazing couple and Rory couldn't understand why Claire wouldn't be attracted to Jess. Claire had said it herself, "meant to be immortalized in paintings and poetry." Why weren't they together? Why hadn't Jess made a move on her. It never occurred to Rory that she might be part of the reason.

Rory looked at herself in the mirror and said to her reflection, "It doesn't matter. I'll call Claire and hang out with her, but I know Jess isn't going to want anything to do with me. I wouldn't want anything to do with me either. He hates me. Hell, _I_ hate me."

Rory switched off her lamp and curled back up in her bed. There were no tears this time, but there was a heavy sadness that was overwhelming her. As Rory laid there, she wished she could talk to her mother about this. Even if they were on good terms, which Rory didn't feel they were, Lorelai would hear the name Jess and go off on a tirade. She would never understand.

* * *

A/N again: As I said, just a brief chapter to whet your appetites. coming next, Rory and Claire interact and finally, a real Jess/Rory conversation :) 


	5. Never Say Goodbye

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Again, I have nothing but love for you all and your amazingly sweet reviews. Keep them coming :) This chapter would've been up last night but my internet connection was down. I apologize for the wait. I've started Chapter 6 and it should be up later today or tomorrow. Reviews make me smile!

**Chapter 5: Never Say Goodbye**

"So I told him, "Sure, I could tell you which one is the better book…if you sign an autograph for me."" Claire told Rory with excited eyes. The two were sitting in a place called Café Del Sol, enjoying lattes and each other's company.

Rory's eyes widened and she laughed. "So what did he do?"

Claire shrugged. "He autographed a piece of register tape for me. It's hanging in the apartment, and I told him that I preferred the Dickens to the Bronte. And he bought the Dickens."

Rory shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe Johnny Depp was in the bookstore. I'm in awe."

"You're in awe?" Claire responded. "The man is the father of my future children; he just doesn't know it yet."

"Well, we'll have to move to Utah and become Mormons because I've had stakes on him since I saw him get sucked into a bed in Nightmare on Elm Street, and I was only like five." Rory said, sipping her coffee.

Claire laughed. "I'm sorry, but I refuse to share the unrequited love of my life with anybody, even someone as delightful as you."

Rory set her cup down and said, "So I'm almost done with Blind Spot, and I'm suffering through it. It really is just her whining. She's not even making a statement."

Claire sighed deeply. "I know. It had such great potential too. I thought it was going to be so good. It wasn't."

"So have you read anything good lately?" Rory demanded. "I'm so desperate for something to keep me busy."

Claire nodded excitedly, fiddling with a lock of hair that had escaped from under her tie-dyed bandana. "Oh my God, I just finished reading this _amazing_ book called The Holy Barbarians. Jess turned me on to it. It's amazing! It's about-."

"Venice Beach beatniks." Rory finished. "I'm the one who gave it to Jess. Well, I lent it to him and he left before I could get it back."

Claire nodded. "When he went out to California."

Rory nodded and said, "I never finished it."

"It's good. Maybe you should…ask Jess to give it back."

Rory shook her head. "I couldn't. It'd be like a rabbi going to Hitler and saying, 'Hey Adolf, remember that twenty dollars I lent you? I need to be repaid.'"

Claire laughed. "That's quite an image. He doesn't hate you. He's just angry."

Rory nodded. "He has every reason to be angry with me." She agreed.

Claire looked up at Rory with as much timidity as she could muster. "Dare I ask what happened between the two of you?"

Rory hesitated. "You aren't going to tell him, are you? I mean, I know we aren't in middle school or anything, but seriously, you aren't going to run to him and go 'This is what your Yale Girl said!' Are you?"

"Of course not!" Claire exclaimed. "I mean, it's a valid fear. But this isn't about Jess and me being friends. This is about me and you being friends. And I wouldn't betray that. Honestly." Claire exuded sincerity because she was indeed being sincere. She had no intention of sharing any of her conversations with either of them. There were other ways to play matchmaker.

"I believe you." Rory said with a smile. "Well, Jess came to Stars Hollow, and that's where I live. Fast forward through a lot of drama and cut it down to this: I was with someone at the time, and we ended up breaking up because he saw how much I cared about Jess. So Jess and I were together, and well, he was a lousy boyfriend. He, he didn't treat me well at all." Rory smiled sadly. "But we were happy. I fell in love with him so hard and so fast."

Claire smiled. "I remember when Jess was back here for that short time after that accident he got in. You're the girl who found him in Washington Square Park, aren't you? You're the reason he went back."

Rory blushed and shrugged. "I might be. That was before we started dating though." She said, "But things fell apart. He flunked out of school and he ran to California. It hurt so badly. Then he came back again. He wanted me to run away with me. I said no. I just didn't feel that way about him anymore."

Claire nodded. "But you miss him." It was a statement, not a question.

Rory hesitated, but then chose to be honest. "Yeah, I do. I miss having him to talk to and to make short, sarcastic comments before slipping into silence. I miss discussing books and music. I miss his unpredictability. And the way he smelled. He had a very particular odor."

"Leather and laundry detergent?" Claire questioned.

"That's the one." Rory responded. "And after a day at the diner, he smelled like French fries too. That was nice. Made me hungry."

"Looking at that boy makes a lot of women hungry." Claire said suggestively.

Rory gulped before she asked, "Has he been with anyone?"

Claire raised an eyebrow at the question.

"Not that I care!" Rory exclaimed. "I don't. I'm just hoping he got over it. I'd hate to see him left pining or something. God that sounds arrogant. But I did the pining for a while. I know what it's like."

"He's not dating anyone now." Claire responded, patting Rory's hand gently. "But he's been on a few dates or…something resembling dates."

"Oh." Rory said. "Good. Good."

"Let's talk about something else!" Claire exclaimed. "So what's Yale like?"

"Yale is really great. It's a lot of work, but I really like it. I manage to balance fun and work. Did you go to college?" Rory asked.

"I was an art student at NYU for two years. But I got bored with it, so I dropped out." Claire said. "I get bored easily. It's why I can't keep a relationship going. I like too many different things."

"See, I've always been really focused. I want to be a journalist." Rory responded. "But I have to admit, I kind of wish I could just drift like that. It's not me though. I can't do it."

Claire laughed. "Sometimes I wish I could just have a goal and stick to it. But that isn't me."

"It's not Jess either." Rory responded somewhat bitterly, taking another sip of her latte.

"I think you'd be surprised. He's matured a lot lately. He got his GED and he wants to do the community college thing. He's working two jobs now to pay for it. Gotta respect that. It was really cute actually. One day he just said to me, 'I'm better than this, Claire.' And he was right. He is better than it."

Rory smiled. "I always told him that he was. He's so smart."

"I'd never argue that." Claire agreed. "No one reads more than he does, and his math is amazing too. When the kid took the SATs he got a 1500, did you know that?"

Rory's eyes widened in shock. "I had no idea. He never told me that. That's amazing. It doesn't surprise me, but at the same time it does. He hated school."

"No, what Jess hates is being forced into things. He hated that people made him go to school. Once it was voluntary, he loved it. He was so excited about his GED. I had to go to his graduation ceremony. It was adorable. There are pictures." Claire proclaimed.

"You know him so much better than I ever did." Rory whispered.

Claire had to try not to smile at Rory. She was so transparent. At the same time, Claire felt terribly sorry for both her and Jess. They were so perfect for each other, and both had let something get in the way of them being happy.

"Let's stop talking about Jess." Claire proclaimed. "Let's talk about music. Are you a Clash fan? I have an amazing early recording of 'London Calling'."

Rory smiled at the subject change, even though it was a topic that still made her think of Jess. She made a concerned effort though, and for the rest of the day neither girl mentioned Jess Mariano.

* * *

Jess entered the apartment and sleepily tossed his keys on the coffee table. He glanced tiredly at the clock. It was about 4 in the afternoon, and he had just gotten back from working all day at a warehouse a few blocks down where he ran the forklift. He sank onto the couch and closed his eyes tiredly. He kicked his shoes off and sighed. If he ever found the energy to move, he was going to go to his room and sleep for a very long time.

A soft knock came on the door and Jess sighed deeply. "Come in!" He called, not opening his eyes.

Jess heard the door open and shut again, and lazily opened one eye. Through hazy vision he saw Rory standing there, and he immediately opened both eyes. He sat up straight, but made no move from the couch.

"Claire isn't here." He said shortly. "She's working a double."

Rory nodded, fiddling nervously with the hem of her white, off-the-shoulder sweater. "I know. I came to see you."

Jess repressed a smile and continued to look coldly at Rory. "Oh, you did? What is it? Cuz the offer has long since been retracted."

"The Holy Barbarians, Jess. I want it back." Rory said, still not looking up at him. "That's why I'm here."

Jess felt defeated and saddened by her statement and by the nonchalant tone in her voice, but didn't let that show in his demeanor. He nodded to her. "Fine. I'll go get it."

Jess stood with great effort and went into his bedroom. As soon as Rory was out of his line of vision, he took a deep breath to steady himself. He grabbed the book from its place on the shelf and went back to the room.

Jess walked over to where Rory stood, looking at the portrait Claire was painting of him. It was more complete now than it had been. Rory could see now that it was Jess's profile as he looked out a window at the city skyline. The look in his eyes was thoughtful and almost wistful.

"She's good." Rory said with sincerity. Her next comment saw that sincerity replaced with bitterness. "She really managed to capture something that isn't there."

Jess's jaw dropped in shock. "Excuse me?" He said angrily. "What the Hell gives _you_ the right to be mad at _me_?"

Rory rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. "How about the fact that I was abandoned by the boy I loved not once, but twice?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You knew how it was, Rory!" Jess exclaimed, throwing the book down on the bare wood floor. "You knew how I was!"

"Correction. I know how you _are._" Rory retorted. _Where is all this coming from,_ Rory asked herself. She hadn't come here to fight with him. Just to see him one more time and to get her book back. Why was she picking a fight?

"You don't know anything about the way I am now!" Jess exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "I tried to tell you I was different. You wouldn't listen. God knows you wouldn't let me prove it. But that's OK, because I don't need to prove it to you anymore."

The two stood there, glaring at each other and fuming with anger. Jess stared at Rory through narrow eyes.

"Are you happy?" He demanded in a softer voice- not gentle or even without anger, but softer.

"Are you?" She threw back, annoyed at the question and at the answer she knew was true.

"I asked you first, Gilmore." Jess responded in the same soft, even voice.

"No." Rory responded, practically daring him to make a remark. "Does that make you feel good? To know that I'm not happy?"

"No, it doesn't make me 'feel good.' Well, maybe a little." Jess responded. He didn't want Rory to be unhappy. He didn't want her to be happy with someone other than him, but he didn't want her to be unhappy either.

Rory let out a small smile at his honesty. "Are you happy?" She demanded again.

Jess shrugged and stuck his hands in his back pockets. "I'm not unhappy. I've got Claire. I've got my books. I have Luke when and if I need him. I'm not unhappy." The words rang false in his ears, and Rory's as well.

"Jess." Rory said, staring intently at him.

"No! I'm not happy." Jess responded, boring holes into her with his eyes. "I haven't been happy for a long time."

The silence hung heavily between them, enveloping them in smothering arms. They continued to stand there, staring intently at each other. Their anger had melted into a puddle on the floor, and they both stood there looking defeated.

Rory looked down on the book that was lying on the floor. She bent over and picked it up. She opened it to the inside back cover and read what was written there. In Jess's handwriting were the words, '_Maybe you were right. Maybe his son does take off his clothes and party'_

Rory looked up at Jess with tears in her eyes. Jess gulped and said awkwardly, "No. Don't do that."

Rory sniffed back the tears and said, "God, I can't even control them anymore. All I do is cry. I'm leaving now. Thank you, Jess. Goodbye."

"You have an obsession with that word." Jess called after her, smiling when it had the desired effect and she paused before her hand touched the doorknob. She turned to face him again, clutching the book to her chest.

"Goodbye. You're obsessed with goodbyes." Jess said, collapsing onto the couch and looking up at her. "You were obsessed with the fact I never said goodbye. You made such a big deal about saying goodbye when I called you at graduation. Do you know why I never say goodbye, Rory?"

She opened her mouth to respond to his question and he cut her off. "Don't say because I'm a coward. That might be part of it, but do you know what the rest is?"

Rory shook her head, looking afraid of the answer.

"I never said goodbye to you because goodbye would mean that I'd failed you, that I was that guy who let you down. I never wanted to be that guy. I was _terrified_ of being that guy."

A tear slipped down Rory's cheek and she had to look down so he wouldn't see her smile.

"Why'd you come for the book, Rory? You could've just gotten another copy." Jess asked, not commenting on the smile on her face.

Rory looked up at him. "And miss your notes all over it? Never." She was smiling at him.

Jess allowed himself to return the smile. "You should see my notes I just made on Farewell to Arms." He said, forgetting himself and his anger.

Rory made a disgusted face. "Ick, Hemmingway? Haven't you gotten over that phase in your life?"

"Never." Jess responded. "You can't get over greatness."

"But what does that have to do with Hemmingway?" Rory asked innocently.

Jess held back a sigh._ God I've missed this_, he thought to himself. All of a sudden the fog that had enveloped his brain lifted and the mask of anger slipped back into place.

"You should leave now." He commanded gruffly.

Rory nodded. "Yes." She said coolly. "I really should."

Rory pulled open the door and shut it quietly behind her.

Jess inhaled sharply and asked himself, "What the Hell just happened?"

* * *

Rory took a deep breath as she closed the door behind her. Her knees were shaky and she sank down to the floor and rested her head against the door. "What just happened?" She asked.

All she had wanted was her book back, at least that's what she'd told herself all the way to his apartment. She hadn't wanted to see him or talk to him or argue with him… She hadn't wanted to see that intense look in his eyes, or that sexy, smug smile of his. She hadn't wanted to go in there and come out with her heart beating so fast in her chest. Yet it had happened.

_Oh, my God, _Rory thought to herself as she looked at the words Jess had written in the back again. _What's happening?_

All of a sudden, the door was pulled open and Rory collapsed into the apartment, her head banging against the floor. She dizzily looked up at an upside-down version of Jess. "Hi?" She said with a weak smile.

Jess shook his head at her and tried not to look amused. "What's up with you and Dean?" Jess demanded, looking down at her.

"Dean's married." Rory said weakly, pushing herself up and dusting off the front of her black skirt.

"I saw the way he was looking at you." Jess retorted. "Don't tell me that he's married like that explains it away. Are you with him now?" Jess asked, afraid of the answer.

Rory tilted her head to the side, "You were coming after me to ask me that? Why?"

Jess shrugged, "No reason."

Rory matched his shrug with one of her own. "No reason then no answer." She responded.

Jess sighed and demanded, "Is he the reason you said no?" He held his breath.

Rory shook her head. "No."

Jess nodded. "Then it was just because you didn't love me." He said softly.

Before he let Rory had a chance to respond, Jess put his hands on her shoulders. Rory looked up at him, scared and excited. Jess lightly pushed her entirely out of the apartment before closing the door in her face.

"No." Rory whispered to the closed door. "It was because I _did_ love you."


	6. Every Word Was a Piece of My Heart

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long to get up. I just started classes for my spring semester at college and things were a little hectic. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and I hope to see more great ones soon. Also, I'd love to hear ideas as to what everyone would like to happen because I have a few ideas in mind as to how I want things to go. Yup,that's it. Review, review, review!!! 3 you all!

**Chapter 6: Every Word Was a Piece of My Heart**

"Jess, babe, I'm home." Claire whispered, peeking her head into his room. "Are you awake?" She asked as she walked into his room. He was wrapped up in his blankets. She could see his eyes were open. "Are you sick?"

Jess shook his head weakly. "No. Just tired."

"Long day at work, sweetheart?" Claire asked sympathetically, sitting on his bed and brushing his hair out of his face.

"Yeah. Then Rory was here. We talked." Jess said, looking up at Claire pathetically.

"What do you mean the two of you talked?" Claire squealed, jumping on Jess's bed. She bounced up and down excitedly. "Like, she came over and the two of you had a civilized conversation?"

"As civilized as one of our conversations could possibly be." Jess responded, sitting up in bed. "Can you stop that? You know how old this bed is! It is yours after all."

Claire jumped once more and plopped down into sitting position next to Jess. She wrapped an arm around him and said, "What happened?"

Jess shrugged. "She came over for her book. We fought a little. Then we almost had a real conversation about books. It was nice."

Claire smiled at Jess and lifted his chin with two fingers, forcing him to face her. "You miss her."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I do. I lied to you the other day, Claire." He said.

Claire nodded. "I knew that. I always know, baby."

"I miss her, and I still love her. I can't stop. Seeing her feels like someone punched me in the stomach."

Claire smiled a silly smile at Jess, prompting him to demand defensively, "What?"

"You just told me she takes your breath away."

"That is _not_ what I said." Jess responded indignantly.

Claire just stared at him, still smiling and waiting for an answer.

Jess sighed and leaned his head against the headboard of his bed. "If I looked at her for too long, I think I might suffocate." He said, dropping his sleepy head on Claire's shoulder.

Claire giggled at him again. "Congratulations, Mari. You're in love. I mean, I knew how much you cared about her. I always have. But until this very moment, I didn't know how much you love her."

"Don't call me Mari," came Jess's simple response. His cheeks were a light shade of pink.

"And you're blushing!" Claire squealed. "Oh, sweetie. So, what now?"

"She told me she didn't love me anymore." Jess responded, staring straight ahead.

"What?" Claire choked out. "She _said_ that?"

"She didn't have to say it." Jess said, unreasonably calm. "She didn't deny that it wasn't true. The reason she didn't want to go with me was because she didn't love me."

"Nope. No way." Claire proclaimed, shaking her head fervently. "I absolutely refuse to believe that."

"Believe it." Jess responded, lying back down. "It's OK though. Now I know for sure that she doesn't love me. That's all I need. I can move on now."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Liar."

"I like being a liar." Jess snapped. "Can you just leave me alone, Claire? I hate having to be seen like this.'

"Hate admitting that you have emotions, you mean?" Claire asked, annoyed. "Baby, I'm gonna be straight with you right now. You're an idiot. You love her, and you keep letting her just walk away." She rolled him over to face her.

"Because she doesn't love me back!" Jess exclaimed, pulling from Claire's grasp and reverting to his original position.

"You don't know that!" Claire yelled, turning him over onto his back and pinning his arms above his head. "You keep assuming things. You made a ridiculous offer that she said no to. Big surprise there. I've hung out with this girl twice and I know she'd never give up Yale for something she wasn't positive about. You _assume_ she doesn't love you because she didn't say she does love you. Not everything is that black and white, you ass!" Claire screamed into Jess's ear.

Jess cringed. "I hate it when you yell. You go all high-pitched and then only dogs can hear you. Besides, some things _are_ that black and white."

Claire let out a groan in frustration and hopped off the bed. "You're scared, and you're an idiot. How's that for black and white?" She stormed to the door, but before she left turned back to him and said, "You're still my best friend though, and I'm sorry for this argument. I love you."

Jess didn't smile. "You're my best friend too. Now get out of my room."

Claire nodded. "I will. Sleep it off, sweetie."

Claire shut the door to the bedroom. _What the Hell is the matter with those two?_ She asked herself. _I just don't get this love thing.

* * *

_

"Hi, mom." Rory said, sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hey, kid. How's the New York life?" Lorelai asked her daughter.

"Good, good." Rory responded. "I've only gotten mugged twice."

"See, right now the nervous mother in me is overpowering the woman who'd appreciate that joke." Lorelai responded.

"Sorry, mom. I'm fine. The renovations on the house are going good. I've been getting some great reading done."

"Great. You aren't too bored?"

Rory had to bite back a laugh. "Nope. I'm keeping myself busy. I've actually been hanging out with this girl I met in the Village. We're getting to be good friends."

"Well, that's great, kiddo." Lorelai said, sounding somewhat distracted.

"Yeah, look mom, I need to tell you something." Rory said nervously, preparing to tell her mom about seeing Jess again. In the background, she heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh! Luke's here." Lorelai said. "I'm sorry to cut this short, Rory, but I'm going out with Luke. Can what you have to say wait?" Her voice was hopeful.

"Of course it can, mom. It isn't important." Rory lied. "Have fun. My love to Luke."

"Of course. Bye baby." Lorelai said cheerfully, hanging up the phone.

Rory closed her cell phone and put it on the end table. Her mother sounded so carefree and so happy. Mentioning Jess would ruin that for her, and Rory didn't want to do that. Yeah, that was why she didn't press the issue.

Rory looked around the room thoughtfully. There was still tarp down on the floor from the painters who were painting the walls. Two were a nice cream color while the other two were still a harsher shade of beige. Rory considered calling Claire, but wasn't really in the mood to be around anybody, particularly Jess's best friend.

Rory picked up The Holy Barbarians from its place on the coffee table. She opened it to the first page and looked at Jess's scrawled script in the margins. She smiled softly and ran her fingers over the words. She continued to leaf through it, snickering at some of his funnier notes. Then, about halfway through the book, she came across a folder, lined piece of paper wedged between the pages. Curiously, Rory removed it from the book and unfolded it. What she saw almost made her heart stop.

THINGS TO TELL RORY

1.)I made a list to organize my thoughts.

2.)I still love her

3.)I never stopped loving her

4.)I never will stop loving her

5.)I want to be with her

6.)I want her to come to New York

7.)I'll move to Connecticut for her

8.)I will NOT move back to Stars Hollow

9.)I got my GED

10.)I'm going to go to community college

11.)I'm holding two jobs steady

12.)I did it all for her.

13.)If she really wanted me to, I probably would go back to Stars Hollow. (don't tell her that)

Rory couldn't breathe as she read and reread the list. She didn't know what shocked her more. She didn't know if she was more surprised that he made a list like she so often did, or by the things he'd put on his list. He loved her so much. She was a complete and total fool. She touched the last number with her fingertips. It was still legible even though he'd crossed it out. All of a sudden there was a feeling deep within Rory's heart that she hadn't felt for a very long time. She couldn't quite figure out what it was at first, but as she read the list for a seventh time, it dawned on her. It was a strong feeling, and one she hadn't felt in a very long time. It was only there for a moment, but it was happiness, and it was pure.

Rory picked up her cell phone and scrolled through her phonebook until she found the number to Claire and Jess's apartment. The phone rang three times before the answering machine picked up.

_"Hey, you've reached Claire and Mari-."_

_"Claire, did you just say Mari in the outgoing message?"_

_"No…"_

_"Yes you did. I told you, it's bad enough that you call me Mari! I don't want anyone else doing it too. Change it."_

_"Fine. Whatever. Hey, you've reached Claire and JESS. We're either not here or screening our calls. Leave a message, clearly stating who you are and your number, and if we like you we'll get back to you…Are you happy, you big baby?"_

_"Yes, I am."_

Rory giggled at the outgoing message. When the machine beeped she said quietly. "Hey, Jess. It's, um, it's Rory." She paused for a moment, wondering if he'd pick up. After no one did she continued, "I want to come over. Just call me back when-." She was interrupted by the sound of someone picking up on the other end. For a moment, all Rory could hear was deep, ragged breathing. Then, a single word filled the heavy silence.

"OK."

* * *

"Well, this is significantly awkward." Rory said, holding her hands in her lap. She and Jess had been sitting across from each other in silence for about ten minutes now. Rory was dressed nicely in a pair of tan corduroys and a pink blouse. Jess contrasted her in the way he always had, wearing faded jeans and a white T-shirt.

"You're the one who wanted to come over." Jess responded, staring at her. "What did you want?"

Rory sighed. "Yeah, I figured if I came over then we'd have to talk about that." She stood and pulled the folded paper out of her back pocket. She crossed the space between them and handed it to him. "I found this in my book."

Jess raised his eyebrows at her and he took the paper. As soon as he held it in his hands, he knew what it was. With shaky hands, he unfolded his list and confirmed what it was. How had it gotten in that book? _Why didn't I throw the damn thing out? Why did I write in the first place?_

Jess refolded the list and placed it on the table in front of him. "So what?" He demanded, trying to sound cool.

Rory's eyes widened. "So what? So what? Jess, you made this list?"

"It sure wasn't Dean." Jess snapped.

Rory's face crumpled. "Was that necessary?"

Jess shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "So you found a list I made. My original question stands. So what?"

Rory took a deep breath. "I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and I want honest answers to them. Can you agree to that?"

Jess hesitated. "Honesty's not my strong suit. I prefer vague and non-committal."

"Believe me, I know." Rory said bitterly. "Please? Just answer honestly for me?"

Jess took a long moment to contemplate her request. Finally, he gave a quick nod. "Fine. Honest answers."

"Ok, good. Let's start easy. How'd you really get that black eye the night you met my grandmother?" Rory demanded, leaning forward intently.

"What?!" Jess exclaimed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Hey, I have your promise for honesty. Did you think I wasn't going to exploit it? Answer the question!" Rory said insistently.

Jess rolled his eyes. "God, fine. I got beaked by a swan. Happy?"

Rory let out a little laugh. "That's so ridiculous I know you didn't make it up."

"That served no purpose except now I'm reliving that awful day." Jess said, annoyed. "If you aren't going to ask me something that matters, just leave."

"Did you mean what you wrote on this list?" Rory questioned, nodding to the piece of paper in question.

Jess stared at her for a moment. It took everything in him to remain calm and collected. "I meant every word." Jess said, evenly.

Rory took a deep, shuddering breath. "Why didn't you tell me any of this stuff that day in my dorm?"

Jess shrugged. "I wanted to so much. I really tried to. But seeing you with Dean made me so mad, and you looked so pretty. I just completely panicked and blanked."

Rory nodded. The time for games was over. Now it was time to ask the question that was plaguing her. "Do you still feel this way?"

Jess just stared at Rory for a very long, painful moment. He wanted to lie, but nothing hurt him more than deliberately lying to Rory.

"Yes. I still feel the same way. I love you so much it hurts." He tried desperately to keep his voice even, but it was cracking with emotion.

"Oh." Rory said, her gaze falling to the floor. "I was afraid of that." She muttered.

Jess was pained by her reaction, but refused to reveal that. "So, can I play this honesty game with you?" He demanded.

Rory looked up at, and pretended she didn't see the tears he was blinking back. She nodded. "You can."

"Does your mom know you're here?"

Rory shook her head. "I haven't told her I've seen you. She's so happy with Luke. I don't want to ruin that. Besides, I know what she'd say."

"Are you with Dean?"

Rory shook her head again. "No. We…I thought we were going to be again. But he's not going to leave his wife for me."

"Was there any part of you that wanted to go with me?"

"Yes." Rory responded simply.

"Did you say no because you didn't love me?" He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

Rory shook her head. "No."

Jess's reaction was one of shock. His jaw dropped, and he quickly tried to compose himself. "Why did you say no?"

"I was scared."

"Of me?" Jess demanded.

"Of myself." Rory responded, finally looking up to meet his eyes. The look he was giving her was one of fear and nervousness. "One more. Do you love me?"

Rory couldn't verbally answer him, so she just nodded.

"So… what now?" Jess demanded.

The silence hung heavily in the air, suffocating both Rory and Jess as they stared at each other, looking scared but at the same time somewhat hopeful.

In Jess's bedroom, with her ear to the door, Clair was mentally patting herself on the back for wedging that list into the pages of The Holy Barbarians.


	7. Living On a Prayer

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire) belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Your reviews make me so happy, and I especially appreciate the honest yet constructive criticism I've received. Thank you all so much. Without further ado, I present Chapter 7.

**Chapter 7: Living On a Prayer**

"So, what now?" Jess asked again.

"You said that already." Rory responded.

"Did I? I wasn't sure because I don't think either of us has said anything in about ten minutes. Do you have an answer to that question?" Jess asked her.

Rory shook her head. "No. I don't. But I think this changes everything."

"Does it?" Jess responded, staring intently at Rory.

"What?" Rory yelped, shocked at the question.

"What does it change? I love you, and you love me. But what changes? You're still the belle of Stars Hollow, and I'm still the guy who was ruining your life and will continue to ruin your life. Your mom hates me. Your grandparents hate me. Hell, I hate me for what I did to you. I'm just some guy who lives in a shoddy apartment with his best friend, who pretty much supports him." At Rory's confused look, Jess smirked. "Oh, you didn't know that, huh? Didn't know that Claire's a little rich girl who's just playing bohemian? She has a trust fund that could feed a small country for centuries. Whenever I can't make rent, and it happens much more than I'd like, she spots me."

Rory was shocked at this revelation about Claire. She'd had no idea that she came from an upper-class background. "Why are you telling me this?" Rory demanded.

Jess shrugged, looking annoyed. "So you know exactly what you're dealing with here, kid. What could I possibly offer you? Nothing, and we both know it. And you could never be with a guy who has nothing to offer you. So again, I ask you. What the Hell is going to change?"

Rory felt the tears in her eyes, but they were as much tears of anguish as they were tears of sadness. "You're a dumbass!" Rory proclaimed, standing up and balling her hands into fists.

Jess raised an eyebrow as he looked up at her. He leaned back in his chair and waited for her to continue.

"Oh don't look at me like that!" Rory exclaimed. "You're a dumbass. You think you know everything about me. You think I could never be with you because you "have nothing to offer me?" Go to Hell! No one's ever offered me what you have!"

"And what have I given you, Rory?" Jess asked, "Besides multiple reasons to cry?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "How about excitement and unpredictability? How about good conversation about books and music? How about nights curled up on the couch watching movies? How about the most amazing, mind-blowing kisses in the entire world? Most importantly, you know what you gave me, you complete moron? You gave me the most pure and unadulterated sense of love and happiness that I've ever known."

Jess was staring up at the fuming girl with absolute shock. His jaw had dropped as far as it possibly could, mirroring the expression that Claire was wearing in the bedroom.

"I think I'm speechless." Jess whispered, finally picking his jaw up from the floor.

Rory was still glaring at him. She sniffed indignantly and wiped at her wet eyes. "Let me save you the trouble of thinking of a vague, non-committal response." She snapped. She picked up her purse and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Almost immediately though, she threw it open again.

"And don't ever call me 'kid' in that condescending voice! I'm only five months and twelve days younger than you." She paused for a moment before adding, "Dumbass!" She slammed the door again, so hard this time that the frame splintered.

Jess was staring at the closed door with shock written all over his face. Claire opened the door and walked into the living room. She tossed Jess his leather jacket. "Go after her." She commanded.

Jess caught the jacket and placed it next to him. "I don't want to." He said, still looking at the closed door.

Claire rolled her eyes and walked back into the bedroom again. She reemerged, holding a book in one hand and a lighter in the other. "Go after her, or Hemmingway gets it.

Jess's eyes widened in panic. "You wouldn't."

Claire smirked. "I've been looking for an excuse to burn this damn book, and if you think I won't do it then your best friend isn't some little rich girl playing bohemian."

"I didn't mean it as a bad thing." Jess muttered.

"I know that." Claire said, but there was hurt in her eyes. "I know you love me and don't think anything bad about me because of my background. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. But we don't have to talk about this now, Jess. I'm still going to be here when you get back. Go after her."

Jess hesitated. Claire sighed in annoyance and lit the lighter. She brought it up to the book, but before the flame could capture the pages, Jess shot up from his seat. "I'm going! Extortionist!"

Claire smiled as she watched Jess put on his jacket. He walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Claire."

Claire smirked and tossed the book aside. "You're welcome, baby. Go."

Jess smiled at her quickly. "OK. Here goes nothing." He walked out of the apartment and closed the door loudly behind him, causing the frame to splinter more and the door to hang crookedly.

Claire pulled a crushed pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and took one out. She put it between her lips and used the lighter she was still holding to light it. She inhaled deeply and sank down onto the couch. She looked at the closed, cracked door and said, "Who knew that the price of love was going to be having to get a new door?"

* * *

Jess jogged down the stairs to the sidewalk in front of the building. He looked around quickly, and saw Rory trying to hail a taxi on the corner. He walked over to her, and whispered in her ear, "Don't leave."

Rory jumped, panicked, and turned quickly. As she did so, she brought her elbow up and caught Jess square in the jaw. Jess stumbled backwards, holding his chin with a look of pain on his face. "Nice elbow you've got there."

"Sorry." Rory said. "Don't sneak up on a girl in New York City at night, especially one who can defend herself in ways-."

"Not reliant on martial arts." Jess said, nodding. "Claire has that book. She practiced on me a few times. Kicked my ass."

"Lucky girl." Rory responded, staring at Jess.

"Look, what you said up there…" Jess started.

"I agree. Let's forget it happened. It doesn't change anything. We'll just go our separate ways." Rory said quickly.

Jess shook his head. "You don't want that." He stated.

"No." Rory agreed. "But you do."

Jess stared deeply into Rory's eyes, making her squirm beneath his gaze. "Do you really believe that, Rory? A little while ago, I wanted you to move to New York with me. I wanted to be with you forever. You honestly think that that's suddenly changed? Maybe I _wish_ it'd changed. But it hasn't."

Rory stared at Jess. "You know, you were never this open about things before." She commented.

Jess shook a finger at her playfully. "You're trying to avoid the subject. Don't try to be like me. It's not flattering."

Rory smiled softly at him. "I wanted to go with you."

"I wanted you to come with me. But it wouldn't have worked. We could've played house for a while, but we couldn't have handled it." Jess said.

Rory looked down at her feet. "That's supposed to be my line," she whispered.

"I tend to step on people's cues." Jess mumbled.

"I slept with Dean." Rory blurted out.

Jess managed to stay reasonably calm, balling his hands into fists but not allowing his posture of his tone of voice to reveal his anger. "I actually kind of figured that out. So, you're the other woman."

"I was." Rory agreed. "He's not leaving her. I-I wasn't enough to make him leaver her." She sputtered out, tears spilling over.

Jess's face softened and he loosened his hands from the fists they were molded into. He closed the space between him and Rory, putting a hand on her cheek and brushing her tears away with his thumb. "Dean's an idiot." He whispered. "You're more than enough."

Rory looked up at him with glassy eyes. "I am?" She asked quietly.

Jess had to smile at her. "God, Rory. Don't you know by now? You're everything."

"There it is again." Rory whispered to herself.

"What?" Jess demanded, leaning his forehead against Rory's.

"That feeling of happiness. I'd forgotten what that was like." She responded, leaning into him.

"I hadn't." Jess whispered against her mouth.

Rory's lips met Jess's in a very tentative kiss. It was brief, lasting only a few seconds, and the tenderness of it made Rory feel warm inside. At that moment, nothing was wrong. She was in the arms of a man who she'd loved since she first set eyes on him. The busy New York street melted away, there was nothing but a full moon and that mysterious sense of happiness.

Jess held her at arm's length, looking at her. "Want to get some Chinese?" He asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Rory smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do. More than anything, actually."

"There's a place up the street. It doesn't suck." Jess suggested.

"Well, how can I resist that?" Rory asked. "Let's go. It's on my grandmother."

Jess smirked, but it melted and was replaced with an awkward look. He looked at his feet for a moment, before looking back up at Rory. He offered his hand, and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when she immediately laced her fingers with his.

"_This is going to be OK."_ He thought to himself as they walked up the street, hand-in-hand.

* * *

Dinner went as smoothly as it could. They talked about books, movies, and music- all the safe topics. Things were still far too fragile for them to try and talk about anything that mattered. Both Rory and Jess were dangling from a thin thread of hope, and if it broke then they wouldn't be able to fix it again.

"I can't believe you still like Metallica." Rory said as they left the restaurant.

"Hey, their new stuff sucks and that whole Napster thing was lousy, but their early stuff is good. You can't deny that." Jess protested, smiling as Rory took his hand.

"I most certainly can." Rory proclaimed. "They're loud and annoying."

"Kind of like The Smiths?" Jess asked as they walked back towards his apartment.

"Oh, don't even go there." Rory said. "You like The Smiths too. You can pretend you don't for the rest of your life, but I saw the concert ticket in your wallet."

Jess looked away and mumbled, "Claire made me go."

Rory laughed. "Nice try, but Claire told me she doesn't like The Smiths. You're busted."

"You can't prove a thing." Jess said, pulling out his key as they approached the door. "Wanna come back up?"

Rory shook her head. "Not tonight. I'm just gonna go."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, OK."

"But I'll call tomorrow?" Rory asked.

"I'm working 8-4 at the warehouse and 5-10 at the bookstore." Jess said, frowning.

"The day after?" Rory asked.

Jess thought for a moment and said, "I'm free after four."

Rory nodded. "OK. I'll call after four then."

"OK."

"OK."

"You said that already." Jess responded.

"I know. I'm waiting for you to kiss me goodnight." Rory retorted, looking at him expectantly.

"Oh." Jess said awkwardly. "OK."

Jess leaned in and gave Rory a light, sweet kiss on the lips. Just as Rory started to lean into the kiss, Jess pulled away. "Goodnight, Rory."

Rory frowned. "Yeah, goodnight." She backed up and stood on the street, hailing a taxi. One pulled up quickly, Rory shot one last glance at Jess, got in the taxi, and was gone. Jess sighed deeply. "Oh God. What am I doing?"

He unlocked the door and stepped into the building. He started to ascend the steps and mumbled to himself, "I hope this works." He stopped in mid-step, raised his head to look at the ceiling and said, "Please God. Don't let me screw up again." He continued to walk up the steps, hoping the fact that he didn't utilize God that often would make him more likely to answer his prayer instead of less likely.


	8. Just Older

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire) belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Again, much love to all those taking the time to review this story. Keep your thoughts, opinions, and praises coming! Also, I apologize for the wait. My computer crashed and I had to send it out to California. But, much like Jess did, it came back to me.

**Chapter 8:** **Just Older**

Jess opened the door to the apartment and saw Claire, holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder. She was inspecting the soft measuring tape from her sewing kit, and trying to adjust her black tank top at the same time.

"Look, I measured the doorframe three times already. I'm absolutely positive I got it right…Yes, I know how to read a measuring tape! I've been sewing and making my own clothes since I was twelve…No, that's ten years. You know I'm older than Jess. Why are we fighting about this?...I know you want to help, but you don't have to doubt my measuring capabilities….Look, Luke, this is delightful but your nephew is here and I'm sure you'd rather talk to him…Oh. Really? Huh…I'm fine. How was your day?"

Jess rolled his eyes, certain Luke had just said he'd rather speak to her than to his own nephew. He wasn't offended, just amused.

"…Really? That's nice. What's your girlfriend's name? Oh wait, I know this. Lorelai, right?...Hmm? Oh, I know because Rory told me." Claire said.

Jess dove at Claire and grabbed the phone from her. "Hey." He said, pushing his roommate aside and glaring daggers at her.

"How does Claire know Rory?" Luke demanded.

"Giving Claire tips on how to fix the door?"

"How does Claire know Rory?" Luke repeated stoically.

"We'll be able to figure it out. It shouldn't be too hard."

"Jess!" Luke snapped. "Knock off the oblivious routine, OK? Answer the question like a man!"

Jess raked a hand through his hair and rolled his eyes. "What question was that?"

"How does Claire know Rory?" Luke repeated. Jess thought he could actually hear Luke grinding his teeth.

"Who's Rory?" Jess asked.

"Jess!" Luke barked.

"Who's Claire?" Jess asked innocently.

"Jess Francis Mariano!" Luke exclaimed.

Jess's mouth fell open. "You just full named me, Luke."

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Luke waited for an answer.

Jess sighed and contemplated what to say. "OK, let's say hypothetically there's this guy, right? This wicked cool, ruggedly handsome guy who lives in New York."

"Ok…" Luke said, sounding confused.

"And let's say that hypothetically this guy had a kindhearted roommate who, though wonderful, had the tragic flaw of always opening her big mouth."

Claire was sitting on the couch and her head shot up from the magazine she was reading. She whispered, "I didn't know."

Jess waved his hand to dismiss her and said into the phone, "Hypothetically, let's say this bleeding heart roommate ran into a very upset, hypothetical young woman who goes to Yale downstairs in the bookstore."

Luke sighed. "Jess, this is getting extremely complicated."

"Well, it's a good thing it's only a hypothetical situation." Jess responded smoothly. "Anyway, the hypothetical roommate invited the hypothetical Yale girl up to the hypothetical apartment, not knowing the history between the hypothetical girl and the hypothetical guy. And the hypothetical guy was there and after a few hypothetical fights they ended up finding out that they both still had feelings for each other." Jess blurted quickly.

"Hypothetically, of course." Luke said dryly.

"Well, of course." Jess said.

"OK, so translated from that ridiculous fiasco of an explanation, I'm to understand that by pure coincidence Claire and Rory met, and after you and her fought a couple of times, admitted you still have feelings for each other?" Luke asked, exasperated.

"Of course not. This was strictly hypothetical." Jess said. He walked over to the sofa and sank down next to Claire.

Claire shook her head. "You really are a dumbass." She muttered under her breath.

"Jess…" Luke said with warning in his tone.

"Yeah. It's all true." Jess said hesitantly.

"So, you and Rory are…together?" Luke asked, surprised.

Jess shrugged.

"I can't see you shrugging, Jess." Luke snapped.

"Yeah. I guess we're together again." Jess mumbled quietly.

"Wow. That's…wow." Luke said.

"Yeah." Jess agreed.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Luke demanded.

"Absolutely not." Jess blurted out.

"You know about Dean?" Luke questioned.

"I know about Dean." Jess replied through clenched teeth, prompting Claire to put a hand on his shoulder. Jess shrugged it off, annoyed. Claire smacked him upside the head with her magazine.

"What was that noise?"

"Claire hit me with a magazine." Jess responded.

"I always liked her." Luke retorted.

"Shut up." Jess said.

"I take it Lorelai has no idea." Luke said. "Because I'm sure I would've heard about it."

"How's it going with you two?" Jess asked, not only for a subject change but also because he was curious.

"Very, very well." Luke said honestly. "I think that I…" He trailed off.

"Good luck, man. It isn't fun being in love with a Gilmore." Jess said, good-naturedly.

"Well, maybe if you do it right it isn't so bad." Luke said.

"Hopefully I'll find out soon." Jess responded, smiling a little at Claire who was making kissing faces at him. He nudged her with his shoulder and she went back to reading her magazine with a smile on her face.

"You really think it'll work out this time?" Luke asked. "I'm not trying to make waves. I honestly want to know."

Jess sighed and contemplated the question for a long time. "I don't know." He said honestly. "But I love her. I've always loved her. And I want it to work."

"I believe you." Luke said simply.

Jess smiled at the comment. "Thanks Luke." After a moment he asked, "Are you going to tell Lorelai?"

"If I told her that, I'd have to tell her we were talking. I'm not ready to tell her either. You're still a sore spot for her." Luke said.

"Probably always will be." Jess responded.

"Probably. Rory will tell her though, I'd think." Luke speculated.

"I'd guess so. That should go well." Jess replied sarcastically.

"I hope it works out. You and Rory together…it was always a good idea in my book." Luke said honestly.

"Thanks, man. Look, I think I'm gonna go." Jess said.

"Yeah, me too. Take care of yourself. And it's your turn to call now." Luke commanded.

"I know. Next week sometime." Jess promised. "Bye, Luke."

"Bye Jess." Luke said.

Jess hung up the phone and tossed it onto the table. He propped his feet up on the same table and dropped his head onto Claire's shoulder.

"So going after her went well, I take it." Claire said, putting her magazine aside. She stroked Jess's hair as she asked the question, running her long nails along his scalp.

Jess closed his eyes contently. "Yeah. We kissed. We had Chinese. We kissed again."

"On a scale of 1-10, how awkward was it?" Claire asked, knowing her friend too well.

"Ten being the most awkward a situation can be?" Jess asked. He felt Claire nod and continued, "I'd rate it about a 13.7."

"Does she know that?" Claire questioned.

Jess shook his head. "Probably not. But it was so strained, and there were so many topics that we had to avoid. And she slept with Dean. God! She slept with Dean!" He exclaimed.

"You've slept with other people since her." Claire said.

"Just two, and I was drunk both times. Besides," Jess muttered angrily, "You never met Dean. He's tall and annoying and obnoxious and dumb as a post. I want him to disappear. I want to _make_ him disappear. Even if there wasn't a Rory, I'd hate him."

"I'm sure the fact that there _is_ a Rory just makes it that much worse." Claire said.

"It does." Jess agreed. "And she slept with him. And he's married. And she slept with him. And he's such a dumb jerk. And she slept with him!"

"OK, subtext rapidly becoming the text." Claire said softly, kissing Jess on top of the head.

"I know. I'm dwelling. But I love her, and I wanted…I don't know what I wanted." Jess finished lamely.

"You wanted her to wait for you." Claire said for him, knowing that he'd never say it himself.

"It was dumb." Jess mumbled.

"A little." Claire agreed, "but it's sweet too. Jess Mariano in love. Who'd have thought it?"

"Shut up." Jess commanded quietly. "Just because your love life sucks."

Claire got uncharacteristically quiet and Jess realized he'd hit a nerve.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't mean to hurt you right then."

"You never do." Claire said. She kissed Jess's head again and removed him from his position on her. She stood up and said, "I'd like to go to bed now."

Jess looked up at her. "Claire…"

"I'm not mad." Claire said softly. "What could a rich girl playing bohemian with a horrible love life possibly have to be mad about?"

"Claire…"

"Stop saying my name." Claire commanded. "Just be careful, kid. You can't get rid of me by saying the wrong thing but this lady love of yours might be different."

Jess stood and enveloped his friend in a hug. "I love you, Claire."

"Damn straight you do." Claire said haughtily. "I love you too. Let me go to bed."

Jess nodded and kissed Claire's cheek. "OK. Goodnight." He left the room without another word.

Claire pushed the table to the side and removed the cushions from the sofa. She pulled out her bed and retrieved her pillow. She placed it on her bed before kneeling down and clasping her hands in front of her.

"Bless me, Holy Father. Thank you for the blessings you've given to me today and always. Please watch over and take care of my parents and brothers in Connecticut. I know you're taking care of Michael, and I hope he knows how much I care for him. Please watch over Jess. Let this be love for him. Let this work for him. Watch over him and love him as I love him. Thank you. Amen."

* * *

"You're so ignorant!" Rory exclaimed, throwing a soy sauce packet at Jess. The two were sitting Indian-style on the floor of the townhouse's living room with half-eaten cartons of Chinese food in between them.

Jess rolled his eyes and tossed the packet back at her. "It is not ignorant to hate Victorian literature! It's wordy and boring and frustrating."

Rory shook her head and threw the soy sauce at him again, this time hitting him right on the nose with it. "It's beautiful. Are you honestly going to tell me that you weren't moved by Wuthering Heights?"

"Ugh, the Bronte sisters are in a league all their own." Jess said disdainfully. "And trust me, that is not a compliment."

Rory sighed. "You are so frustrating. What about George Eliot? You had to have liked Adam Bede. It was a great story, and you _love_ accurate portrayals of human nature."

Jess hesitated and didn't answer Rory, instead adverting his eyes.

Rory grinned widely. "You did! You liked it! You like George Eliot!"

"I said no such thing." Jess said, smirking at Rory.

Rory let out a noise resembling a growl and dove over the takeout cartons, pinning Jess to the floor. Her hands went directly for the curve of his hips, where she knew he was ticklish.

Jess tried to smother his laughter but was unsuccessful. Through small bursts of laughing he cried, "Fine, I confess! I'm a George Eliot fan. Even though I preferred Middlemarch to Adam Bede."

Rory laughed at him and smiled widely from her position above him. Suddenly her big blue eyes turned serious and she bent over to kiss him. Their lips met furiously in an almost violent passion. Rory flattened against him so she was lying on top of him and Jess's hands immediately went to the small of her back. He quickly switched their positions so he was lying on top of her. Rory was so lost in the kiss that she didn't even notice.

Rory and Jess pulled apart and Jess was shocked by the look in her eyes. It was a look of lust and passion and need, and it was one that he wasn't used to seeing in Rory. This was no longer the sweet, innocent girl he'd dated in high school. She'd grown up. Jess snapped out of his thoughts to the realization that Rory was tugging his shirt over his head. He complied with her wishes, though not exactly sure that he wanted this to be happening. His shirt was tossed aside, and Rory's small hands quickly made their way down to his belt. Jess caught them there.

"Rory." He said softly, rolling off from on top of her. "No."

"What?" Rory asked, looking both confused and offended. "Why not?"

Jess was saved from answering by the ringing of Rory's cell phone. He grabbed his shirt and said, "You'd better answer that."

Rory looked at him baffled, but reached for her phone anyway. She looked at the number and flipped it open to answer it. "Hey Mom." She said, trying to sound cool.

"Hey babe. What are you up to?" Lorelai asked brightly.

"Oh, not much." Rory lied. "Just doing some reading, eating some Chinese from Madame Chang's."

"Ooh." Lorelai said appreciatively. "Madame Chang's?"

"The best egg rolls in New York. Wait till you try them." Rory said, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"I can't wait. I'm trying to block out a couple of days to come up. How are things going?"

"Not bad. A little dull, but the renovations are good. The house looks amazing. And I have my friend Claire." Rory said, thankful that her mother couldn't see the guilty look in her eyes.

"Great. Sounds like you're living the good life. I'm sorry I rushed off the phone the other day. What did you want to talk about?" Lorelai questioned.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. It was just me feeling a little homesick but I'm OK now." She went to make eye contact with Jess, but he was focusing intently at a spot on the hardwood floor.

"Good, I'm glad." Lorelai said.

"Me too. But I've gotta go now, mom. The egg rolls are getting cold." Rory said.

"Ick. Nothing worse than cold egg rolls. Call me later in the week?"

"You know I will. Love ya, mom." Rory said.

"Love you too." Both Lorelai and Rory hung up at the same time.

Rory immediately turned the ringer off on her phone before placing it on the table they weren't utilizing for the Chinese food.

"Lying to your mother. Making sexual advances. You sure have grown up, Rory." Jess said, not without sarcasm.

Rory frowned at his words. "I'm not seventeen anymore, Jess. Neither are you."

"So why the need to lie to your mom? Why not just tell her?" Jess demanded, not sure why he was so offended.

"You know my mom, and you know how she feels about you. Why are you pretending you don't?"

"Do you love me?" Jess asked, leaning back on his hands and looking up at her.

Rory nodded.

"Do you plan on changing your mind about that any time soon?" Jess demanded, hoping he knew the answer already.

"No. I plan to love you for a while." Rory said honestly, knowing where he was going.

"So if you plan on hiding this from the most important person in your life, what's the point? Ashamed, Rory?"

"No! I'm not…" Rory said, trailing off. "Not of you, anyway." She muttered.

"Then of what?" He demanded.

"Me. The choices I've made lately. I don't want my mom to think that you're just another dumb decision." Rory said, sitting down next to him.

"Am I?"

"No." Rory said quietly.

"Am I?" Jess demanded again.

"No." Rory said insistently. "Well, maybe. But you're my favorite bad decision. Besides," Rory continued, annoyed, "I don't see you rushing to tell your mom or Luke about us."

"First of all, I don't tell my mom anything. She doesn't even know where I live. Second of all, he knows." Jess snapped back.

"Luke knows? How long has he known?" Rory demanded, standing back up and looking at him in shock.

"Since the day we got back together or whatever. He called. I told him." Jess said, not mentioning that it had been an accident that he found out.

"Oh." Rory said. "Will he?"

Jess cut her off. "He won't tell your mom. He thinks you'll do it. I thought you would too."

"I will." Rory said, again sitting back down. She leaned against him and let him wrap an arm around her. "I will. I promise."

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while, wrapped up in each other and enjoying the mellow moment. It didn't last long though, before Rory shoved at Jess's shoulder and said, "Nice try!"

"What?" Jess demanded innocently.

"You don't want to sleep with me!" She exclaimed with tears in her eyes. "You pushed me away."

"God, Rory. I do too want to sleep with you. A lot. For a very long time. So much that I probably couldn't stand up if I wanted to right now. But, it's…just not right yet." Jess said, looking uncomfortable.

"Is this because I slept with Dean?" Rory demanded, annoyed.

Jess's face took on a look of disgust. "Must you speak of it?" He groaned, falling backwards and staring at the ceiling.

"It is because I slept with Dean. It's not something I can take back, Jess." Rory said softly, biting on her lip.

"Would you?" Jess asked, propping himself up on his elbows and staring intently at her.

"Would I what?"

"If you could take it back, would you?" Jess demanded.

"No." Rory said honestly. As Jess's face fell a little, she added, "If I could take anything back, I'd take back not going with you when you asked."

"When did you become such a smooth talker?" Jess demanded, sliding over to Rory and taking her face in his hands.

"I told you." Rory said, "I'm not seventeen anymore."

Jess gave her a quick kiss and said, "I should really go."

Rory frowned, but nodded. "Alright." They kissed again, longer this time. Again, it was Jess who pulled away.

"Call me tomorrow?" Rory asked, walking him over to the door.

"I will." Jess promised. He kissed her once more, before opening the door, leaving, and closing it behind him.

Rory looked at the closed door and shook her head, with a very odd feeling in her stomach. "What's happening?" She asked herself. "What am I doing?"


	9. Say It Isn't So

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters, (specifically Claire) belong to me, but the rest is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N: **Reviews make the world go round and they make for one happy Cara :) Hope this chapter satisifies you all for a little while.

**Chapter 9: Say It Isn't So**

Something wasn't right. Jess was well aware of this, and it was scaring him. He loved her so much. He _dreamed_ of the day that he was going to get her back. Now he had her back, and something was amiss. Their relationship wasn't the same as it had been. He hadn't expected it to be. He hadn't expected them to fall right back into that relationship they'd had as teenagers. He hated the person he was then; all the things he did to her. It didn't upset him that their relationship was different. What upset him was what he kept seeing in Rory's eyes.

There was fear there, and there was doubt. Even when she was looking at him, he didn't feel like she was seeing him. He felt like she was seeing all the ways this could go wrong. He still felt like she was seeing all that he had been, and not who he was now. He was afraid that when she was trying to get him to make love to her, she was thinking of Dean. That fear was a little more ridiculous than the rest, but still plausible in his mind. He read Rory very well. He always had. She was holding something back. Something was wrong, and he couldn't fix it because he wasn't quite sure what it was.

Jess entered the apartment to see Claire, sleeping on the couch with a book resting on her chest. She had an old blanket wrapped around her legs and her purple hair was fanned out behind her. He smiled at her slumbering form and went over to the sofa. He picked the book from her chest and shook his head. _The Fountainhead. What is it with girls and this damn book?_ He folded down the corner of the page and closed the book. He placed it on the coffee table. He pulled the blanket up to her chest, causing her to stir and her eyes to flutter open. One look at her roommate's face and she sat up, staring at him and blinking the sleep rapidly out of her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She demanded, yawning. "You look like you've had a rough night, and not in the good way."

Jess sat down next to her and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm confused." He confessed, staring straight ahead.

"About what, my love?" Claire asked, running her nails along his scalp to help him relax.

"This whole thing with Rory. It doesn't feel right. It's just…odd."

"Odd in what way?" Claire questioned softly.

"Odd in the way that it's extremely awkward. Rory's so different than she used to be. She's looking at me differently, and she's…I don't know, it feels like she's hiding something." Jess said, still not looking at Claire.

"She's probably scared." Claire said thoughtfully. "She's just reconnected with her boyfriend, who she's still in love with. Are you honestly trying to tell me that it surprises you that she's afraid of getting too attached and getting hurt again?"

"I guess that makes sense." Jess conceded, "But if this is going to work, she's going to have to trust me."

"I'm not arguing that, baby. But you can't force that trust. You hurt her. It's going to take a while for her to trust you again. Just make sure she knows you love her." Claire said, trying to be as helpful as she could.

Jess nodded. "I guess I can try. I just hope it hasn't been too long. I want this to work."

"Listen to you with all the honesty and emotion!" Claire exclaimed, swatting his shoulder lightly. "I don't know how to handle it."

"Neither do I. Don't think I like it though. It leaves kind of a chalky aftertaste." Jess said sarcastically.

Claire rolled her eyes. "You're so weird, Mari."

"Yeah, but you love me." Jess said. He kissed Claire on the cheek and stood up. He stretched and said, "OK, I'm going to bed. G'night, Claire."

"Night, kiddo." Claire said, smiling up at her friend. "Sleep well. Dream of Rory."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Jess responded, before walking into the bedroom.

* * *

"Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm seeing Jess again. I still really care about him. Please don't yell." Rory mumbled, staring straight into her mirror. She'd been trying to think of how to tell her mother. There was no good way to do it, and no matter what she said, she knew it would result in screaming and fighting.

Rory looked over at her cell phone as it began to ring, and saw the apartment's number flashing on the screen. She hesitated to answer it, afraid of talking about last night and everything that had happened. She flipped open her phone and said, "Hello?"

It wasn't Jess's voice who responded. It was Claire. "Hey, Rory! It's Claire. What's up?"

"Hi, Claire," Rory said, relieved for reasons she couldn't explain. "There's nothing much going on here. What's up with you?"

"Oh, I'm just bored. That boy of ours is at work and I don't feel like waiting for him to finish work to eat. Want to meet me somewhere for lunch?" Claire asked brightly.

"Sure." Rory replied without hesitation. "I haven't eaten yet today. Where should we meet?"

They ended up meeting at a McDonalds about halfway between their homes. They both ordered some terribly unhealthy food, and sat in comfortable silence for a moment while they ate.

"So," Claire started, wiping ketchup from her mouth with a paper napkin, "You and Jess are you-and-Jess again, eh?"

Rory nodded slowly, chewing on a French fry. "I guess."

Claire arched one perfect, dark blonde eyebrow. "What do you mean 'I guess'? Don't you know?"

"Well, we're together again, but…" Rory trailed off.

"Oh my God, don't do that trailing off thing!" Claire exclaimed good-naturedly. "I don't tolerate it when Jess does it, and I won't when you do it either. Finish that sentence, missy."

"It's different than it used to be." Rory said. "It's awkward and uncomfortable and I know it's all my fault."

"Why?" Claire demanded, taking a bite of her cheeseburger.

"Did he tell you about our date or whatever last night?" Rory asked.

Claire nodded. "Of course. Not too many details, but he isn't one for details. I got the gist of it though."

"Well, after he left I got to thinking. I couldn't figure out what I was doing or why I felt so…wrong. So I sat down and I made a few lists and I made myself analyze the situation. I'm absolutely _terrified_ of letting this work. I don't want him to hurt me again. I told him I wouldn't pine or cry last time, but I lied. I cried, Claire. I cried a lot. I don't want that to happen again." Rory let the words tumble off her tongue and felt relief wash over her.

Claire nodded. Rory had just confirmed everything she'd told Jess last night. "Well, sweetie, I don't think there's a way to guarantee that you won't get hurt. But you do love him, right?"

Rory hesitated before answering, causing Claire to choke on a fry. She took a sip of diet coke and cleared her throat. "You do love him, don't you? I heard you say so that night at our place."

Rory still hesitated, and then chose her words very carefully. "I do love him. I have no doubt in my mind that I love him. But I don't know if I can let myself love him the way he loves me."

"Explain." Claire said simply.

Rory shrugged. "I dunno. I just don't think I can let myself fall for him the way I did when we were seventeen. I don't think I can let myself be that much in love. It's too much. It's too scary."

Claire smiled slightly. "We're a lot alike, you and I. I don't know what to tell you, sweetheart. Do you want to be with him?"

Rory nodded. "I do."

"Well, then in the end that should be the only thing that matters." Claire responded.

"Yeah." Rory whispered, knowing that even though it should be the only thing that mattered, it probably wouldn't be.

* * *

"OK, I can do this. I'm doing it. I'm doing it now." Rory flipped through her cell phone to her mother's number, before slamming the phone closed again. "I can't do this."

_Jess told Luke. Jess told Luke. Jess told Luke._ Jess had told Luke the night it happened. Jess was being braver than her. It was that shot to her pride that finally got Rory to dial her mother's number.

"Hello, daughter." Lorelai said cheerfully.

"Hi, mom." Rory said, biting on her lip nervously.

"How are you?"

"I'm OK, mom. I have to tell you something." Rory said, taking a deep breath.

"I'm all ears." Lorelai said, sounding concerned. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. But, are you sitting down?" Rory asked.

"I am." Lorelai said.

"OK, well, here's the thing. My friend Claire has this roommate and I'm dating him."

Lorelai released a rush of breath. "I was so afraid it would be a female roommate. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but thank God. So, what's the guy's name?"

"Jess Mariano." Rory said quickly.

There was a loud crash and thump on the other end of the phone, and Rory knew her mother had fallen. "I thought you were sitting."

"I was." Lorelai snapped. "I fell off the couch. You're dating Jess again. Are you serious?"

"Yes, mom. I still love him." Rory said, but her voice was shaky.

"One dumb decision after another." Lorelai said, sounding angry and disappointed at the same time.

"Mom…" Rory started.

"No! I don't want to hear it, Rory! I think this might be dumber than sleeping with Dean! What the Hell do you think you're doing? Jess? Jess! Do you remember Jess? Irresponsible, undependable, annoying, broke your heart. Does any of this ring a bell? Wait, let me guess. He's changed! Don't make me laugh! Why are you being so stupid?"

Rory's eyes filled with tears and she began to sob.

"And now you're crying? Are you surprised? How the Hell did you think I was going to react?" Lorelai demanded harshly.

"Mom…" Rory started again.

"No!" Lorelai shrieked again. "You're too old to be acting like such an impulsive little kid! Everything has consequences! Call me when you grow up."

Then, something happened that had never happened before. Lorelai Gilmore hung up on her daughter.

* * *

Lorelai pushed open the door to the diner and stormed over to Luke, who was taking Kirk's order.

"Tell me you didn't know." She commanded in a quiet yet dangerous voice.

Luke turned to face her and was taken aback by the anger and fury in her eyes. "What?"

"Don't even dare ask me what, Luke. Just tell me you didn't know." Lorelai barked.

"Um, and I'd like a side order of fries…" Kirk said, helplessly.

"Not now, Kirk!" Both Luke and Lorelai snapped at the same time.

"Can we please do this in the back?" Luke asked, grasping Lorelai's elbow.

Lorelai pulled away with the anguish building in her face. "You did know! You knew and you didn't tell me!"

"In the back, please?" Luke pleaded as he dragged her to the back. Once they were in the storeroom, he closed the door and said, "We're talking about Rory and Jess, I assume."

Lorelai just nodded and Luke responded, "Yes. I knew."

"You knew! How could you not tell me?" Lorelai demanded.

"Calm down! I didn't think it was my place to bring it up. I thought Rory should tell you. She _just_ told you?" Luke asked, taking off his baseball cap and running his hands through his hair.

"_Just_ told me? How long has this been going on? How long have you known?" Lorelai demanded in a scream.

"They got back together like two weeks ago, I guess." Luke said. "Yeah, that sounds about right. I called Jess that night and found out then."

"Two weeks." Lorelai said, suddenly deathly calm. "Two weeks and I found out today."

"Lorelai, I know you don't want to hear this, but Jess is a good kid. He's changed. He's got a GED, he's holding two steady jobs, and he loves Rory."

Lorelai looked up at her boyfriend and snapped, "You're right. I _don't_ want to hear it."

"He loves her." Luke repeated. "He wants to change."

Lorelai narrowed her eyes and stared at Luke. "You're in favor of this. You think your hoodlum nephew is good enough for my daughter. You want them to be together!" She accused, crossing her arms across her chest.

Luke sighed and shook his head. "This isn't about me."

"Admit it!" She commanded.

"Yeah, I think they're good together. I always have. They're in love and they're good for each other. Are you happy now?" Luke exclaimed, annoyed.

Lorelai shook her head in amazement, before pushing past Luke and running out of the storeroom, past where all the customers were staring at her.

Luke calmly walked out of the storeroom and saw all the faces looking at him. "This is a diner, not a museum." He snapped. "Eat your food."


	10. I've Got the Girl

**Disclaimer:** If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters(specifically Claire) belong to me. Everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N: **Reviews are awesome and make me happy. This chapter isn't very long, but I hope you enjoy it. :)

**Chapter 10: I've Got the Girl**

Jess sat Indian-style on the floor, a copy of Adam Bede in one hand and a ballpoint pen in the other. He had pulled out his copy and was reading it again, and he really did like it. A lot. He was writing notes in the margins, sporadically looking up at Claire. She was wearing paint-covered overalls and a white wife beater, working on her large portrait of him. It was close to being complete, except for the section of it that was still blank. She hadn't decided what would go there yet, so she hadn't wanted to draw on it until she had a good idea.

"It's looking good, Claire." He commented as he underlined a passage that stood out to him.

"Thanks, kiddo. I'm liking it. You're probably my favorite subject to paint. Where's your female counterpart tonight?" Claire demanded.

Jess shrugged and said, "Don't know. Didn't want to see her. Thought I'd give us both time to think."

Claire nodded. "Maybe that's a good idea."

A sharp knock came to the door and Jess's head shot up. He closed his book and stood. He padded over to the door in his bare feet and opened it carefully because it was still broken from his and Rory's slamming it too hard.

Rory stood in the doorway, and she was crying. There were tears slowly making their way down her face. "Hi."

"Umm, hi." Jess said awkwardly, scratching his head as he looked at her. He never knew what to do when she was crying.

Rory stood there, staring at him almost expectantly. Jess hesitated, then wordlessly took her into his arms. He rubbed a hand up and down her back while the other one toyed with the ends of her hair.

"She hates me, Jess. She hates me." Rory said, sounding absolutely heartbroken.

"Shh." Jess said. He pulled her into the apartment and shut the door with his foot. He led her over to the couch and sat her down.

"Rory?" Claire asked, putting her paints down. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Rory looked up at Claire pathetically. "My mom hates me." She proclaimed.

"Oh, baby." Claire said. "I'd hug you, but I'm covered in paint."

Jess looked up at his roommate with a tight smile. "Claire…"

Claire nodded. "Wow, you know what I need? Cigarettes. I'm going to go buy cigarettes. In Pennsylvania. They're cheaper there." She grabbed her keys and purse off the table and walked out of the apartment.

"Tell me what happened." Jess said, rubbing her back gently.

"I told my mom." Rory said, sniffling. "And she flipped. She screamed and called me stupid and hung up on me."

Jess's jaw clenched. "Oh." He muttered angrily.

"She hates me, Jess. She thinks I'm just a dumb kid. She's…she's ashamed of me." Rory sighed.

"She's being a dumb bitch." Jess said hostilely. "You're 19. You can make your own decisions. And yeah, you're going to make some bad ones. Personally, I don't think this is a bad one, but even so. She got knocked up before she graduated high school. Who the Hell is she to talk?"

Rory sat there, staring at Jess with her mouth open. "That was terrible. I can't believe you just said that about my mother."

"I'm sorry." Jess said, kissing her head. "But she made you cry. And she called you stupid. You are _not_ stupid."

Rory smiled at him, but it was forced. "Don't call my mom a bitch. I might be thinking it right now, but it is not OK for you to say it. But thank you for feeling so strongly about it."

Jess nodded. "I'm sorry."

Rory's eyes widened. "An apology. You have changed, Jess. What do I do, though? She hates me."

"No, she doesn't." Jess responded in an even voice. "She hates me, and she hates that you don't hate me. And she probably hates that you're growing up and not her little girl anymore. But she doesn't hate you. Your mother could never hate you."

Rory sniffled and nuzzled her head against Jess's chest. "She does hate you. She'll probably always hate you."

Jess tightened his hold on Rory and kissed the top of her head again. "I know that, Rory. I know. But I read somewhere that love can cancel out hate. Or maybe I just made that up, but it sounds like something I plagiarized. I love you. Your mother can't change that for me. If she can change it for you, then maybe what we have isn't real."

Rory lifted her head and looked at Jess in amazement. There was an openness and a softness in his eyes that was unusual for him. "You're scared this isn't real?" She questioned of him.

Jess shrugged and adverted his eyes.

Rory took his chin in her hands and turned him back to face her. "Jess, I'm looking for an answer here."

"Yeah. I'm afraid." Jess said. "You keep looking at me like this isn't going to last, like you don't believe in us. What else should I think?"

"You should know that being scared doesn't mean I'm not in love." Rory retorted, placing a long, sweet kiss on his lips.

Jess returned the kiss and placed both hands on her face, stroking her cheek as they kissed. Rory wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down onto the couch and on top of her.

"Rory…" Jess said, ready to tell her that they should wait and that she was just upset and that it wasn't right.

"Jess, shut up." Rory said, smiling against his mouth. "I love you and I'm ready to do this with you. I don't want to do this because I'm upset. I want to do this because I love you." It was as if she was reading his mind.

Jess smiled and pressed his forehead to hers. "OK." He said, standing up. He offered her his hands. She took them and allowed him to lead her into his bedroom.

* * *

_Rory is in my bed. Rory is in my bed. Rory is in my bed. Naked._ The thought ran through Jess's head as Rory slept, her head on his bare chest. It was the first time he'd ever slept with a girl. That wasn't to say he'd never had sex, because he had. With four other girls. But it had always been a "get up and go" situation. He'd never slept with a girl in the same bed before. Not even Claire. It was an amazing feeling to have her warm body pressed up against him. It was safe and it was pleasant and it terrified the Hell out him. But the fear was suppressed by something much bigger—the all-encompassing love and contentment he was feeling right now. This hadn't been having sex. It had been making love, and that truly was a first for him.

Rory looked up at Jess from her position on his chest. His eyes were closed and there was a small smile on his face. He looked as happy as she felt. What she had done with Dean had been OK, but it wasn't this. This had been beautiful and life-altering and amazing and perfect and absolutely terrifying. She was absolutely in love with Jess Mariano again. Well, not again, she had never really _stopped_ being in love with him. This was absolutely terrifying for her. Her heart was still mending from the last time they were together. She didn't know how she could handle being brokenhearted again. "Please don't hurt me." She whispered, so quietly that she was sure there was no way Jess had heard her, especially in his sleeping state.

Jess tightly wrapped an arm around her and mumbled, "Never again" before actually drifting off into sleep.

* * *

"Jess, babe! It's 8 o'clock. You have work in an hour!" Claire exclaimed as she walked into the room. "And hey, you and Rory look naked. Congratulations on your having of the sex." She spun on her heel and walked back out.

"That was embarrassing." Rory said, sliding out of the bed.

Jess watched with appreciation as Rory slipped back into her clothes. "Not really. Claire's seen much worse than that, and she doesn't really care."

Rory turned to face Jess and blushed at his intense gaze. "I've gotta get back to the house. The carpenters will be there at ten."

Jess nodded. "I've got to be at work for nine, so I have to leave in about a half hour."

Rory walked over to where her boyfriend was lying in bed and leaned over to kiss him goodbye. She brushed her lips against his, only to have him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her towards him.

Rory made it back in time to meet the carpenters, but her shirt was on backwards. Jess was a half hour late for work.


	11. Homebound Train

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N: **Again, thanks for the reviews. I hope you like this chapter, because I personally love it.

**Chapter 11: Homebound Train**

"So, you and Rory finally got busy." Claire said to Jess as she waited for her toast to be done. It popped up from the toaster and Claire picked it up, only to drop it as it burned her fingers. She began to butter her toast and looked up at Jess expectantly.

Jess was reading the newspaper and didn't look up from it. "Yup." He said, trying not to blush.

"Good job. Worth the wait?" Claire questioned, biting into her toast.

Jess's words got caught in his throat, so he just nodded.

Claire smiled widely. "Oh, I _live_ for these moments when you get so flustered you can't talk. It's like Christmas. What happened with her and her mom?"

Jess sighed and said, "They fought about our relationship. Her mom hates me."

"So does my mom." Claire said with a shrug. "You aren't the kind of guy moms like."

Jess frowned. "Your mom hates me?"

Claire let out a short laugh before looking at the expression on Jess's face. "You didn't know that? She despises you. She thinks you're rude and obnoxious and trouble with a capital T."

"But she's always polite to me." Jess argued, still frowning.

"Well of course she is." Claire said. "My mom knows how much I care about you. She knows we're best friends and that she can't change that. She probably would if she could. So she accepts you, and is ready to send my brothers to kill you if it's necessary."

Jess slipped into silence as he absorbed Claire's words.

"Hey, if you want to get on my mom's good side send her just flowers or something; don't get so upset about this." Claire said, frowning at Jess.

Jess smiled a small smile and said, "Don't think I won't. But right now, I'm thinking about Rory and her mom, and about the train schedule. Do you still have a copy?"

Claire's eyebrows shot up. "Jess…what are you going to do?"

Jess smirked and shrugged. "I'm gonna try and fix the situation, most likely screwing things up more, but we'll see. Train schedule?"

"In the living room." Claire said. "You don't have the money to just hop a train to Connecticut."

Jess stopped in mid-step and turned back to Claire with a sad smile. "I don't, but someone I know does."

Claire stared at Jess, her blue eyes wide and unblinking. "You're asking for money. You've never asked me for money. In over five years of friendship, you have _never_ asked me for money."

"That in itself should tell you how important this is to me." Jess said, trying to maintain some dignity by not pleading.

"Please, I know how important anything to do with Rory is to you." Claire said, crossing over to Jess. She smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt and kissed his forehead. She grabbed her purse and pulled her checkbook out of it. She quickly wrote out a check and handed it to Jess. Jess looked down at it, eyes widening at the number written there. "Claire…"

"You'll need a train back too, dumbass. And food, and cab fare or bus fare. And you might need something else along the way. Take the money." Claire said, closing her checkbook and putting it back in her purse. "Go. Do what you're going to do. And if Rory's mom tries to kick your ass, remember that it's improper to hit a lady and take your beating like a man."

"Yes, ma'am." Jess said, tucking the check into his back pocket. "You're too good to me, Claire."

"I know." Claire said, handing Jess his wallet. "Go." She ordered again.

Jess picked up his copy of Adam Bede, tucked it in his back pocket, and walked out the apartment door.

* * *

"I think the raspberry sauce." Lorelai said to Sookie, licking some of said sauce off her fingers.

Sookie nodded. "I agree. I'll get it made right away."

"Good." Lorelai nodded.

Sookie looked up at her friend as she chopped onions. "Still not talking to Luke?" She asked.

Lorelai shook her head. "I told him to just give me some time to think everything through. He said he understood and he hasn't been pushing me about it. I'm just so…mad about it all."

Sookie smiled gently. "She's a big girl, Lorelai."

"She's acting like an idiot." Lorelai snapped.

"Lorelai, there's a man here to see you." Michel said, entering the kitchen. "He's waiting at the front desk and he says it's rather important."

"Thanks, Michel." Lorelai said. She smiled a sad smile at Sookie. "We'll talk later." Sookie nodded.

Lorelai went over to the front desk, where a dark-haired man was standing with his back to her. "Hi, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. How can I help you?"

Jess turned around with a small smirk. "Hello, Lorelai."

"No." Lorelai practically growled in her throat. "I refuse to believe you're here. Get out of my inn, Jess."

"Do you hate me that much, Lorelai?" Jess demanded, leaning an elbow on the desk.

Lorelai pushed his arm off the desk and said, "Yes. I hate you because you're an immature ass who broke my daughter's heart. As her mother, I have that right."

"Fine!" Jess exclaimed, causing several guest to turn and look at them. "I don't care how much you hate me! I don't want you to hate me, but I really don't blame you. I hate me too for how I treated her. This isn't about me. It's about Rory."

"My daughter has been making some very foolish choices lately. You're just the most recent." Lorelai snapped, folding her arms across her chest in a way very similar to her daughter.

"Is it so hard to believe that people can change?" He demanded.

"You'll never change, Jess! You're just a punk kid who can't handle relationships and runs."

"I'm not running now." Jess said, glaring harshly at her.

"Not yet!" Lorelai exclaimed. "You will. It's what you do. You've proven-."

"I'm in love with your goddamn daughter!" Jess screamed, cutting her off, and slamming a fist down on the desk.

Lorelai stopped speaking, her mouth hanging open.

"I love Rory. I always have and always will. Why is it so stupid for her to be with someone she loves and who loves her back?"

Lorelai regained her composure and said, "She slept with Dean. Did she tell you that?"

Jess nodded. "She did, and it made me want to kick his teeth in. But I'm getting over it. I'm accepting her flaws. Why can't you?"

Lorelai clenched her jaw as she stared at Jess. "I want you to leave my inn right now. I don't ever want to see you again."

"I'll leave." Jess said as he pulled something out of his back pocket. "But I'm not going away forever. I love Rory. Do you hear me? I love her. You can't scare me into not loving her anymore, and you can't treat her like a criminal because she loves me back." Jess looked at the object in his hands before tossing it on the desk that separated him and Lorelai. He turned and walked out wordlessly, avoiding the stares he was getting from the inn's patrons.

Lorelai picked up the book and stared at the cover. Adam Bede. She'd never heard of it. There was a train ticket from New York to New Haven marking a page. Lorelai opened the book and saw that there was a passage underlined.

_It's cowardly for me to keep away. I'll stand by her- I'll own her – for all she's been deceitful. They oughtn't cast her off – her own flesh and blood. We hand folks over to God's mercy, and show none ourselves. I used to be hard sometimes: I'll never be hard again._

Lorelai reread the passage several times, and with each time she read it, it became a little clearer why Jess had wanted her to see it. She was casting her daughter off, and he was standing beside her. He had changed, or at least was going to great lengths to make her think he'd changed. Lorelai shut the book with a sigh and went to do damage control for the scene she'd just caused.

* * *

"Hey." Jess said as he entered the diner.

Luke looked up at him, and then looked back down at the table he was wiping off. "Hey." He said. "Causing trouble?"

"Yeah. Went and saw Rory's mom." Jess said, sitting down.

"Was there screaming?" Luke asked, sitting down across from him.

Jess nodded. "Oh yeah."

Luke nodded. "She's good at the screaming."

Jess raised an eyebrow at his uncle, prompting Luke to exclaim, "I meant in arguments!"

Jess smirked and said, "I know what you meant. What's up with you two?"

Luke shrugged. "She asked for time to think. I'm giving it to her."

"Good call. I'm sorry about all this, Luke." Jess mumbled.

Luke sighed. "It's not your fault. Well, that's a lie. It is your fault, but I'm not mad at you. She shouldn't be reacting this way. She's so scared about the woman Rory's becoming that she's trying to pretend she's still a baby."

"I noticed. I like the woman she's becoming. She made a bad decision with Dean. People make bad decisions." Jess said.

Luke nodded. "They run to California without telling their girlfriends."

Jess smirked. "They get married on cruise ships."

Luke released a sigh and said, "Touché."

"We're not exactly relationship-savvy." Jess said. "Are we?"

Luke looked at his nephew with a small smile. "No, we're not. But we're learning."

Jess returned the smile. "Yeah. We are, aren't we?"

* * *

**2nd A/N: **Adam Bede is the work of George Eliot. I just want to say that the passage I used from Adam Bede happened to be on my Victorian Literature midterm. What does this teach us? Writing fanfiction will help get you through college.


	12. You Give Love A Bad Name

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N: **Ah, spring break. What a delightful time to catch up on writing :) I hope you all enjoy this chapter, because this conflict is going to be difficult to resolve :) Reviews make me happy and they've also been clinically proven to make me write faster.

**Chapter 12:**

"Where were you yesterday?" Rory asked. She held her cell phone between her ear and shoulder, attempting to read the newspaper as she spoke to Jess.

"I had to do some running around. It took me pretty much all day. I didn't get back till 8, and then I did inventory in the bookstore until 2 in the morning." Jess responded. Lies of omission were his favorite kind.

"I missed you." Rory said, turning the page of the paper.

Jess smirked. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Rory replied, smiling. "Call me crazy, but I miss you when you're gone."

Jess's smirk transformed into a genuine smile. "I miss you when I'm gone too."

"Can I come over tonight?" Rory asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"I guess." Jess said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Well, fine." Rory said, teasingly. "If you don't want me there…"

"Now, I don't recall saying that." Jess said. "I can think of some definite upsides to you coming over."

"Oh yeah, like what?" Rory demanded.

"You can return that Tolstoy you borrowed from me." Jess said smoothly.

"Any other upsides?" Rory questioned, knowing he was playing with her.

"I can lend you that Moreover Madness CD I was telling you about. You know, the band that sounds like the Clash."

Rory sighed. "I don't know if that's enough motivation to get me to come over."

Jess smiled and said. "Well, we can have sex too if you really want."

"Jess!" Rory exclaimed, glad he couldn't see her blushing.

"Oh, like that isn't what you meant. Don't get all virginal on me now, because I know the truth, Ms. Gilmore."

Rory laughed. "I'll be over in about an hour."

"I'll be here." Jess said before hanging up the phone with a smile.

* * *

"I love you." Rory said, cuddling close to Jess's bare chest. The two were lying naked in his bed.

Jess ran his fingers through Rory's brown hair. "Yeah, love you too." He mumbled.

Rory sighed deeply and said, "I love doing that with you."

Jess smirked at her honesty. "I like it too."

"You're good at it." Rory said, trailing a finger up and down his stomach.

"Umm, thank you." Jess said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "You aren't too bad yourself."

"Have you done it, you know, a lot?" Rory asked, looking up at him.

Jess sighed. He'd been dreading this question. He knew that Rory's curious nature was going to force her to ask. "We talked about this once." He responded. It was true. Once, while they were dating the first time, she had asked him how experienced he was.

"Yeah, I know. And you avoided the issue then too." Rory retorted.

"Because it's not something I'm comfortable talking to you about." Jess responded.

"How many girls have you slept with?" Rory demanded. "I'm not going to get mad."

Jess still hesitated. "Five. One before we were together the first time, two while I was in California and two after you rejected me at Yale." He responded honestly and with great difficulty.

"So I'm the sixth." Rory said, trying not to frown.

"You're the sixth. You're also to most important." Jess said, looking down at her. He could see how hard she was trying to not be upset.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" Rory asked. She rolled away from him and propped herself up on her elbows so she could look at him.

Jess shrugged, prompting Rory to say, "Jess…"

"Sixteen." He responded. "It was pretty soon before I went to Stars Hollow."

"Did you love her?" Rory questioned.

Jess looked down. There was no way this conversation was going to end well. "Rory, do we have to do this?"

Rory gave a small pout. "I want to know." She insisted.

Jess sighed deeply. "I wasn't in love with her. You're the only girl I've ever been in love with."

Rory smiled at his answer and crept closer to him . "So how'd it happen?"

"God, Rory!" Jess exclaimed. "Why are you so interested?"

"Because, it's part of your life. I want to understand all I can about you." Rory said, pulling away again. "Why don't you want to tell me?"

"Because I don't want it to upset you." Jess said, reaching out to touch her face. "It's not important to me, and I don't want you to think it has any bearing on us at all."

Rory leaned into his touch. "Then I won't think that. Just tell me. How did it happen?"

Jess averted his eyes and said. "We were both virgins and we wanted to get it over with. Nothing romantic or special about it. We did it on the couch in my mother's apartment."

Rory was both relieved and upset at this revelation. "So you only did it with her once?"

"Actually, it turned out to be a good way to pass the time. Friends with benefits and all that jazz." Jess said uneasily, still not meeting Rory's eyes.

_Friends with benefits._ The term sat heavy in Rory's mind. "Do you still see her?" She asked, pulling away to the edge of the bed, fearing that the answer matched the scenario she was creating in her head.

Jess finally met Rory's intense gaze, looking nervous. "I see her everyday."

Rory wrapped Jess's sheet around her and stood up on shaky legs. "Claire." She whispered hoarsely. Jess cringed. She said the name with disgust and hurt in her voice.

Jess nodded. "Claire, but Rory-."

"No." Rory said, shaking her head. She held the sheet close to herself as she searched for her underwear. She found them and put them on, followed quickly by her jeans and shirt.

"Rory." Jess said, jumping off the bed. He pulled on a pair of boxer shorts and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Rory, stop."

Rory immediately pulled away. "You slept with Claire."

"Almost four years ago!" Jess responded. "It's not a big deal."

"No, Jess. It's a _very _big deal." Rory said. She sat on the bed and put her shoes on. "I was trying to be OK with how close you two are. It wasn't easy, but I was coping with it. I thought, 'Hey, I'm the one he loves. There's nothing between them. This'll be OK.' But you slept together. You lost your virginity together. I-I just can't handle that. Knowing that each time you touch me, you might've touched her in the exact same way." Rory shuddered violently and stood up. "I have to go."

"Rory, no!" Jess said, running in front of the door and preventing her from leaving. "Don't be so rash about this. I could never touch anyone the way I touch you. I love you."

Rory had tears filling her eyes. "Jess…you love Claire too. You've said it yourself."

Jess's eyes widened. "That's what this is? I love Claire, but I'm _in love_ with you. Why is this a problem?"

"Because Claire's your best friend. People fall in love with their best friends, it happens all the time. They write movies about it." Rory said.

"Well, that isn't the case here. Claire and I have only ever just been friends." Jess proclaimed.

"Friends who slept together." Rory said, sniffing back her tears. "No, Jess. Just, no. Let me leave. Please."

"So that's it?" Jess asked, frustrated and angry. "You find out something new you don't like about me and we're done? Just like that? After all we've been through? After me leaving twice? After being lucky enough to meet again? After we poured our hearts out to each other? It's just over?"

The tears were falling, and Rory was letting them. "Just let me go, Jess." She commanded softly. "I just want to go."

Jess stepped away from the door. "Fine." He said through clenched teeth. "Leave. But this isn't over. I won't let this be over, Rory."

Rory stepped past him and out into the living room. She looked up at the painting on the wall. Jess's profile was complete, and he looked absolutely perfect. Rory remembered Claire's words describing Jess the first time she'd met her. _Meant to be immortalized in paintings and poetry._ Rory shook her head, another tear falling. How could she have been so stupid again? "Goodbye, Jess." She said. "And it's OK to say it back this time, because you really are the guy who let me down."

Jess's face fell and hurt was written all over his features. Rory didn't see it, however, because she didn't turn around. She walked out of the apartment and closed the door harshly behind her, knocking it off its bottom hinge so it dangled from the top one.

Jess stood there, staring at the closed and broken door. He heard the toilet flush, and a moment later Claire appeared from the bathroom, wearing pink pajama pants and a white T-shirt that had Care Bears on it. She walked over to Jess and followed his gaze to the broken door. "Did I miss something?"

Jess turned his head to face Claire, and she could see a layer of tears forming over his eyes. Claire's jaw practically dropped. "Baby!" She exclaimed, and she went to hug him.

"Don't touch me!" Jess exclaimed, pushing her away from him. "That's what got me in this mess to begin with." He stormed back into his room.

Claire stood motionless, confusion contorting her face. "I believe the only thing to say is: Huh?"

Jess flung himself onto his bed and called to Claire, "You want to know what happened? Four years ago, you and I slept together."

Claire stood in the doorway to his room. "You told her about that? You complete and total dumbass!"

"I didn't offer the information. She asked." Jess said. "I couldn't not tell her once she asked."

"Sure you could've!" Claire exclaimed, walking into the room and dropping down onto the bed next to Jess. "You're the king of changing the subject."

"Well I've been trying to abdicate that throne lately." Jess snapped. "She said she can't handle it, us, you and me, whatever."

"That's the story of our lives." Claire said, sadly. "It's the reason I could never keep a boyfriend."

"You could've kept Michael." Jess reminded her.

"Don't go there." She whispered sadly. "What are you going to do about Rory?"

Jess sighed. "What can I do?" He questioned rhetorically. "I guess I'll just wait a few days and call her, see if we can get past it."

"If you can't?" Claire asked, turning her head towards Jess.

Jess frowned. "I can't lose her again, Claire." He whispered. One stray tear managed to fall from his eye before he brushed wildly at his face, preventing any more from falling.

Claire stood and straightened her T-shirt. "You won't, baby." She said, reassuringly before walking out of the room and closing the door. She picked up her cigarettes off the coffee table and quickly lit one. She stared at the broken door as she inhaled deeply, releasing her words along with a cloud of smoke. "Not if I can help it, anyway."

* * *

"Hi Jess." Luke said into the cordless phone, putting his tools down. He was in the diner's kitchen, trying to fix the burner on the oven.

"Hey Luke. How's it going?" Jess asked, trying to mask his disappointment. He'd picked up the phone after the first ring, hoping it was Rory and forgetting about screening the call.

"Alright. I'm trying to fix the oven and decided I needed a distraction." Luke responded, going out into the empty diner and sitting at a table. "So, distract." He commanded.

"What?" Jess said miserably. "Sorry, Luke. I wasn't paying attention."

"Are you OK? You sound kinda off." Luke questioned, concerned for his nephew.

"Rory and I got in a big fight. She, well, she pretty much broke it off." Jess said quietly.

"You're kidding!" Luke exclaimed. "What happened?"

Jess sighed. "She found out something about me and Claire, and she freaked."

"Did you cheat on her with Claire, you bastard?" Luke growled, shooting up from the table and knocking the chair over. "I swear on my life, if you did-."

"Luke, do you think I'm a complete idiot?" Jess demanded. "Don't answer that." He said before Luke could respond. "I would _never_ cheat on Rory. She found out that Claire and I…that we had a little thing when we were younger. But it was when I was 16, before I even came to Stars Hollow! I didn't even know Rory then."

"Huh." Luke said. "And she got mad about that?"

"Yeah. She said she can't trust me anymore." Jess said.

Luke twisted his face in confusion. "I don't get it."

Jess let out a small, humorless laugh. "Me neither. I think it's a girl thing. But I told her it didn't mean anything. I told her that I only love her and that I'd only ever love her. That didn't matter to her. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"When did this happen?"

Jess sighed deeply. "Three days ago."

"Tried to talk to her since then?" Luke asked, finally sitting back down.

"It's useless. She won't answer her cell phone, and I called her grandmother's house and as soon as she heard my voice, she hung up. I went there and she wouldn't see me." Jess said, sounding sad and miserable.

A tap came on the diner's door and Luke looked up. It was Lorelai. With a small smile, Luke stood again and opened the door for her. "Hey." He said, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Who's there?" Jess asked.

"Lorelai." Luke responded. He looked up at Lorelai and mouthed 'Jess.'

"Oh. She must be loving this." Jess said miserably.

Luke looked at Lorelai, who had sat down at a table. She looked completely indifferent to the fact he was talking to Jess.

"When did you guys get OK again?" Jess asked.

"Yesterday. We had a good long talk about everything." Luke responded, smiling at Lorelai.

Lorelai smiled at Luke, but it was a little forced.

"That's good. I'm glad. Someone should be happy." Jess said.

"Maybe she just needs time." Luke said, trying to be helpful.

Lorelai's head snapped up and she looked at Luke. "What'd he do to my baby? I knew it! I knew it! He broke her heart!" She exclaimed, feeling triumphant and furious.

Luke gave her an annoyed look and said, "Actually, she broke his." He snapped.

Lorelai tilted her head to the side. "What?" She asked, confused. She held her hand out. "Phone." She commanded.

"Lorelai…" Luke said.

"Phone." She repeated.

"Lorelai…" Luke said, still hesitating.

Lorelai didn't repeat her command. She just stood with her hand out, waiting for the phone. Luke hesitated, but finally handed it to her.

"Tell me what happened so I can figure out how it's your fault." Lorelai instructed Jess.

Jess sighed. "Lorelai, do we have to do this?"

"Yes." Lorelai said simply.

"Fine." Jess said, annoyed. "She found out my best friend Claire and I slept together a few times when I was 16, before I ever moved to Stars Hollow. She broke up with me over it, and now she won't have anything to do with me."

"Well of course." Lorelai said with a nod. "This girl is your best friend. She's the biggest thing in your life, next to my daughter I'd hope. And now she finds out that you slept with her. Sex is the most intimate act between a man and a woman. She's afraid that Claire has more of your heart than she does."

There was silence on the line as Jess digested this information. "Oh."

"Look, Jess. I despise you. But I know you love Rory. That's why I'm going to tell you this. I know my daughter, and I know that it's going to take something huge to make her understand that you love her." Lorelai said.

Jess said, "Wow. This is intense. Did we just have a moment?"

Lorelai sighed. "I'm afraid so. I'm giving the phone back to Luke now."

Luke took the phone from Lorelai and heard Jess laughing lightly. "Jess?"

Jess stopped laughing. "That's some girl you've got, Luke."

"Yeah, I know." Luke said, smiling lovingly at Lorelai. "Bye, Jess."

"Bye, Luke."


	13. The Price of Love

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. Any original characters (ahem, Claire) and most of the plot belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Wow. Over two hundred reviews. You guys rock hardcore. Well, I've had a very Gilmore-centric spring break. I got season two on DVD and it's inspired me to both make some LJ icons and work on this story. But alas, spring break is coming to an end, so we'll have to leave it to your reviews to inspire me. ) Oh, **Utopian**, you read my mind about what was going to happen in this chapter, and I was SO tempted to call the chapter 'Dry County' but I went with 'The Price of Love' instead. Gotta pay homage to the old-school bon jovi.

**Chapter 13: The Price of Love**

"Rory." Lorelai said into the phone.

"Mom?" Rory asked, wiping her wet eyes. She sat up in her bed. She hadn't heard from her mother since their fight.

"Rory, first of all I owe you an apology. I overreacted to the situation with Jess. You're in love, and I have to respect that. Jess may not be my favorite person, but I know you love him."

"What brought this on?" Rory asked, fighting a fresh batch of tears at her mother's words.

"Jess came to see me a few days ago, ready to fight me for your honor, or something." Lorelai revealed.

"What?" Rory yelped. "Jess went to Stars Hollow? He came to see you?"

"Yeah." Lorelai said, smiling at her daughter's shock. Jess hadn't even told her about it. He had done it for her and had no desire to inform her of his good deed. "He really loves you, kid. I get that now."

"Mom…" Rory started.

"Hey, next time you talk to him, tell him that the passage really hit home. He'll know what that means." Lorelai said, not letting her daughter finish her sentence.

"Well, you'll probably talk to him before I will." Rory said bitterly.

"So you really did break it off with him." Lorelai said, nodding to herself.

"You know about that?" Rory asked, shocked.

"Jess was on the phone with Luke, and they filled me in. Not everyone's as adamant about keeping me out of the loop as you are." Lorelai said.

"Mom…I'm sorry." Rory said honestly.

Lorelai laughed and said, "Don't apologize. You're growing up, and you have nothing to be sorry for. But sweetie, are you sure you did the right thing by breaking up with Jess?"

Rory's jaw dropped. "I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth."

"Strike it up to insanity. You're avoiding the question." Lorelai accused, prompting her daughter to answer her question.

Rory sighed. "I can't be with him, mom. He lost his virginity to his best friend, who he lives with. You should see them together, mom. You'd think they were a couple."

"They aren't though, darling. They're friends. It's _you_ that he loves." Lorelai said, trying to reassure her child.

"Mom, you and Luke were friends way before you fell in love. You watched each other go through tons of relationships-."

"I don't appreciate your use of the word 'tons.'" Lorelai interjected.

"And you ended up together. Two best friends turned lovers." Rory continued, ignoring her mother's interruption.

"Baby, that's not how it happens every time!" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Listen to you defending him! He comes and picks a fight with you and all of a sudden you're his best friend?" Rory cried, frustrated.

"I despise Jess." Lorelai said, but it didn't carry as much conviction as it usually did. "But the boy is crazy in love with you. Now I've never met this girl-."

"Claire." Rory cut in softly. "Her name is Claire."

"Claire." Lorelai repeated. "I've never met Claire, but I know you, and I know Jess, and he loves you. Honestly, I've never seen someone with so much love in their eyes. Isn't that enough?" Lorelai asked.

"No." Rory said simply. "It isn't. Mom, they used to have sex because it was a 'good way to pass the time.' Those were Jess's words. What if they decide it's _still_ a good way to pass the time. I won't let him get the chance to break my heart. I've had enough of that."

Lorelai smirked. She'd expected nothing less from her daughter. "I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but I hope you know that I think you're overreacting. Oh! I sent you a package. It'll be there tomorrow."

"OK…" Rory said, confused.

"I hope you like it. I think you will." Lorelai said. "I've gotta go though. Love ya, kiddo."

"Yeah, love you too."

* * *

Rory woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. She stumbled out of her bed and opened the door widely. There was a delivery man standing there, holding a very large box wrapped in plain brown paper.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore?" He questioned, looking at his clipboard.

Rory yawned and nodded. The man put the package on the ground and handed her the clipboard. She sleepily signed her signature, or something resembling her signature, and handed it back. The delivery man smiled at her. "Have a good day, ma'am."

Rory watched him leave before lifting up the large, heavy box. She made it into the living room before she had to put the box down again. She sat down on the floor and tore frantically at the brown paper. She pushed it aside, revealing a large, slightly battered cardboard box. Rory tilted her head to the side, still very confused. She used her fingernails to remove the tape that was sealing the box shut. She sat up on her knees and opened the flaps.

Rory gasped as she saw the contents of the box. It was her Jess box. She'd forgotten all about it. It was huge, and filled with so many things. Rory pulled out the dress she wore to Sookie's wedding, when she'd kissed him for the first time. She put it down and pulled out more articles of clothing she'd been wearing at different times she'd kissed him. She took out her hospital bracelet from when they'd gotten into that accident. She pulled out the copy of Othello she'd been reading to him that night, and the pad that he'd written lyrics to Guns at Brixton on. She pulled out over a dozen books, all with his handwriting in the margins. She pulled out CDs, the earplugs from the Distillers concert, the ticket from the show, and the T-shirt he'd bought her. Her bus ticket from when she'd visited him in New York came out next, followed by the Almost Famous DVD. She pulled out a few more books, seven more CDS, and a blue sweater that he loved. She pulled out a long-sleeved, button-down shirt that he'd given her once when she was cold, and the strawberry lip-gloss he loved. She pulled out a blanket they'd sat on during their many dates on the bridge, and her picnic basket. Inside the picnic basket she found even more CDs.Finally, she pulled out a framed picture of the two of them. It was the only picture of them as a couple that existed, and Dave had taken it while the two sat and watched the band practice. She was in her Chilton uniform, and Jess had his arm draped around her shoulders casually. They were looking at each other, and they looked very happy.

Rory was in tears as she put the photograph down. She looked around the living room, and saw that she was surrounded by memories of her and Jess. Making that box had hurt so badly, and she really didn't want to make another one. She wanted to still be in love with Jess.

Sniffing, Rory looked into the box and saw that there was one more item in there. It was a copy of Adam Bede, but Rory didn't know why it was in there. She picked it up, and saw a train ticket marking a page. She opened it and saw an underlined passage. She read it, and knew it was what her mother had been referring to last night. He had showed that passage to her mother because he loved her that much, and wanted Lorelai to know that she was being foolish in being mad at her daughter. The tears were falling and Rory was having trouble breathing. She loved him. She didn't want this to be over anymore than he did. But she felt so hurt and so afraid.

So what could she possibly do?

* * *

Claire walked into Jess's bedroom, carrying two cups of coffee, to see Jess lying in his bed, writing on a notepad.

"What are you doing?" She questioned, slipping next to him and handing him a mug. She looked down at what he was writing. The top of the page read 'BIG IDEAS TO GET RORY BACK,', but the page was full of doodles and scribbles. There were no actual thoughts anywhere on the page.

"I have no idea what to do." Jess said, tossing the pencil down and taking a long sip of his coffee. "I pretty much depleted my 'big gesture bin' when I went to see her mom, who seems to think that something huge is the only way I'll get Rory back."

Claire smiled sympathetically. "You'll figure something out, sweetie."

Jess sighed. "Yeah. I hope so."

In the other room, the phone rang. Both Claire and Jess looked at each other and made no effort to move, silently accepting that the machine would pick it up. Jess had given up on Rory calling him, and didn't really care who else called.

"_Jess, it's Rory. If you're screening, pick up now."_

Jess dropped his coffee mug on the bed, spilling the brown liquid all over his sheets. He was off the bed in a shot, and he practically dove on the phone. "Rory? I'm here."

"Oh." Rory said quietly. "I was about to hang up. Hi."

"Hi."

"I've been thinking, and I want to make this work." Rory said, still talking quietly.

"I want to make it work too, Rory. I love you so much." Jess said desperately.

"Yes, I know." Rory said stoically, thankful Jess couldn't see her smile. "Do you want to meet me at Café Del Sol and talk about it?" Rory asked, toying with the old hospital bracelet.

"You know I do."

"OK. Meet me there in an hour." Rory said, hanging up without saying goodbye.

Jess hung up the phone and turned to face Claire, who was stripping his bed of the dirty sheets. "She wants to meet and talk. Maybe I won't need to make the big gesture after all."

Claire smiled sadly at Jess's naivety. "Yeah. Maybe."

* * *

Jess stood immediately when he saw Rory enter the café. "Hey."

"Hi." Rory said, slipping into the seat across from Jess. There was a cup of coffee waiting for her. Rory looked at it for a moment, and then pushed it away.

"You're saying no to coffee?" Jess asked, shocked.

"It does happen now and again." Rory snapped, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I guess." Jess said. "I've missed you."

"I know." Rory said. "I missed you too."

The statement brought a hint of a smile to Jess's face, which Rory quickly wiped away.

"Don't smile like that." Rory snapped. "You have no right to smile."

Jess let the smile fall from his face. "Sorry. I have a lot to be sorry for."

"Yes." Rory agreed, nodding. "You do."

"Sleeping with Claire isn't one of those things." Jess finished, looking Rory directly in the eye.

Rory took in a sharp breath, and stood. "This was a mistake."

"Sit down. Please." Jess said, pleading. "Just for a minute. Let me talk?"

Rory looked at the pleading look in Jess's eyes, and slid back into her seat. "Say what you want to say."

"Alright." Jess said, taking a breath. "I slept with Claire even though we were only friends. The keywords there are 'only friends.' I have _never_ in my entire life ever felt anything for Claire other the friendship. I've never wanted to date her, and after a certain time, I never wanted to sleep with her again. Do you know what happened to make that happen?"

Rory shook her head, even though she thought that she did know the answer.

"You, Rory. I met you, and I never wanted to touch Claire again. I met you and I fell in love." Jess said, reaching for her hand. She pulled her hand away, but didn't look away.

"I slept with her the first time because she didn't want to go to NYU a virgin, and because she was gorgeous and my best friend. We did it a few more times because we were lonely. Then I met you, and I knew that if we were ever going to be together then I couldn't keep doing that. I knew that the friends with benefits thing would never fly with you. So I stopped sleeping with her. And I've never regretted it. Neither has she. She's my best friend, Rory. You're the woman I love." Jess let out his long speech quickly, not looking away from Rory's eyes.

Rory sighed. "Are you done?"

Jess shook his head. "Almost. I love you. I've always loved you. You are the only woman I have _ever_ been in love with. I hope that means something to you."

Rory nodded slowly. "It does. OK, it's my turn to talk."

She stared at Jess for a long, painful moment before she began. "OK. When you told me about the five other girls, I was a little upset. Sex is so intimate to me, and you've had sex with _five_ girls who you haven't been in love with. But I know I can't judge you on that, because I had sex with Dean and I don't love him. I mean, yes, I thought I did. But I don't. That isn't the point right now though. So, I can learn to handle that. But Claire, Jess. You used to have sex with Claire just because it was something to do. That's tough to deal with. She's your best friend. You live with her. You live with a girl you used to have sex with for fun. Throw into that mix the fact that you two act like a couple. You laugh and you share jokes and you talk about books and music. She wakes you up for work, and she helps you pay rent. She kisses you goodbye when she leaves, Jess. And that painting of you. God, that damn painting. You two act more like you're dating than you and I ever did." Rory finished, staring at her hands.

"Rory, I can understand why you're so afraid. I remember feeling the same way when you and Dean hung out. But you don't have to be afraid. That's just how Claire and I are. It's how we've always been."

Rory nodded, still intently gazing at her hands. "I know that, Jess. Really, I do. And I want you to know that I would never, ever ask you to stop being friends with her."

Jess tilted his head to the side. The thought that she'd ask for that had never even crossed his mind. Fortunately though, it didn't look like he'd have to worry about that.

"I want you to move out of that apartment." Rory stated firmly, looking him directly in the eyes.

Jess's eyes got wide. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me." Rory said. "I want you to move out. I can't be with you while you're living there. I won't."

"Are you serious?" Jess asked, his mind spinning.

"Consider me a heart attack." Rory said dryly.

"You're giving me an ultimatum." Jess said, baffled.

"If that's how you want to look at it." Rory said with a shrug.

"Move out of Claire's or we're breaking up." Jess stated, making sure he was correct in the things he'd heard.

"That's what I'm telling you." Rory said, nodding. She folded her arms across her chest again and said, "What's your answer?"

Jess's head snapped up to look at her. "I have to decide this minute? Rory, this is huge! If I move out of Claire's, I'm homeless. Do you realize that? I can't afford my own apartment. I can barely afford my half of the rent at Claire's. Do you think any other roommate would be so accommodating? Do you think anyone else is gonna help me out when I can't make rent?" Jess demanded.

"I can appreciate that, Jess. But if you really love me, you'll do it."

It was a card that Rory had never played before, and Jess was taken aback by the statement. He stared at her quietly for a long moment. "Rory, I do love you. This is a decision I'm going to have to think about though."

Rory nodded and stood. "My grandmother is coming up in two weeks to finish out the summer with me. By the time she gets here, I want to know whether to tell her I have a boyfriend, or if I should tell her to feel free to set me up."

Jess nodded absentmindedly, standing up. "Two weeks." He agreed.

Rory hesitated, then turned away without saying anything. Jess stood shocked for a moment, then sat back down with his coffee to think things through.

* * *

It was two in the morning when Jess stumbled into the apartment. He skulked in quietly, but then forgot himself and slammed the door behind him. As if that didn't provide enough noise, the broken door fell off its hinges, landing loudly on the floor. Jess stared at it for a moment, then began laughing hysterically. He laughed so hard that he fell down on his butt, laughing the whole time.

Claire rubbed sleep out of her eyes as she walked towards Jess. "Jess? What are you doing?"

Jess looked up at her with an uncharacteristically huge smile. "Breaking things and ruining my life!" He exclaimed, falling backwards on the floor.

"You little deviant. Are you drunk?" Claire asked, standing above Jess's head.

Jess shrugged, a motion that was awkward from his position. "Probably. But I don't think I'm slurring my words, so I can't be too drunk. Am I slurring?"

"Not noticeably." Claire said, sitting down next to Jess. "Where did they serve you?"

"Charley's." Jess responded. "And then at Molly McGuire's. God bless the fake ID."

"You still have that thing?" Claire asked, running a hand over Jess's hair.

"I didn't even realize I did. Found it in my wallet." Jess murmured, closing his eyes.

"Peace talks with Israel didn't go so well?" Claire asked.

Jess shook his head. "Well, she wants to get back together."

Claire cocked her head to the side, "…And you got drunk because you were _that_ happy?"

Jess laughed loudly. "Funny girl. Such a funny girl."

"Well, thanks. I'll be here all year."

"Yeah," Jess muttered, "but I won't be."

"What are you talking about?" Claire asked, looking down at Jess.

"Rory had a prerequisite to our reconciliation." Jess said, and it was followed by a large belch.

"Wow. That was hot, and leave it to you to use those huge words while you're plastered." Claire said, still running her hand over his hair.

"Rory's making me move out." Jess said simply, trying to sit up. "Whoa, room's spinning." He lay back down.

"What?" Claire yelped. "What are you talking about?"

"If I want her back, I have to become homeless. There's a really shitty shelter about three blocks away. I could live there. But I think they kick you out after like three months. Stupid assholes. No respect for us homeless folk." Jess ranted, his words slurring together.

"Alright, _now_ you're slurring." Claire said. "And making no sense at all."

"Well, I'm apparently very drunk." Jess said matter-of-factly.

Claire smirked. "You sure as hell smell like it."

Jess laughed. "Yeah. Liquor leaves a stench. Aftertaste too. It's kinda groovy."

Claire raised an eyebrow. "Groovy?"

"A highly underused word." Jess stated.

Claire laughed. "Indeed it is, darling. Tell me what Rory said."

"Who knows?" Jess asked. "Oh wait, yeah. I do know. She said that if I loved her, I'll move out of here."

"Oh." Claire said, her mind working quickly. "Well, that's interesting."

"Yeah." Jess said. "I'm gonna pass out now."

"Alright, baby. You do that." Claire said quietly, still thinking.


	14. Destination Anywhere

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** I've gotten a lot of reviews saying that they think Rory is being unreasonable. I completely agree, and in the next chapter that'll be elaborated on. For now, I bring you a tiny chapter that serves merely as a segway. Hopefully though, you'll enjoy it and the next chapter (the good one!) will be up next week sometime. Anyway, it wouldn't be an author's note if I didn't throw in **Review Review Review!**

**Chapter 14**: **Destination Anywhere**

A strong, steady pounding behind his eyes woke Jess up. He opened his eyes and squinted against the light coming in his window. "Oh, my God." He moaned.

"Well, it sounds like someone's awake." Claire called from the living room.

Jess gave a loud moan in response.

Claire walked into the room, carrying a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. "How do you feel?"

"Like a homeless bastard who got ran over by a truck." Jess said, sitting up in bed.

"You aren't homeless." Claire said, handing him the water. She opened the bottle and poured two into her hand. "And you know you shouldn't drink that much. You never could hold your liquor."

"Shut up." Jess said, taking the water. "I hold my liquor fine." He held out his other hand and Claire dropped the pills into Jess's palm.

"Sure you do, baby." Claire said with a patronizing smile. "That's why you puked your brains out on New Years."

Jess put the pills in his mouth and took a long gulp of water. "Not a conversation I want to have right now. And besides, I drank like four glasses of wine at your parents' house and followed it up with half a dozen shots at Tony's party. You'd get sick too."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Ok, conversation over. Do you want anything?"

Jess looked up at Claire pathetically. "How about a little advice?"

Claire sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. "I don't know how objective I can be. As someone who's played this game before and all."

Jess nodded. "Figured as much. If you were me though, Claire. What would you do if you were me?"

Claire looked at Jess. It was so rare for him to ask for advice. It was a little less rare lately, but still…it took a lot for Jess to ask for help or advice. That's why it broke Claire's heart to say no.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I can't give you advice on this one. I'm too emotionally involved to help you. You have to figure this one out on your own." Claire said, pushing herself off the bed.

"What?" Jess asked, confused. "You won't help me?"

Claire shook her head. "I can't do anything for you."

It was true. Claire couldn't help Jess at all because she knew _exactly_ what Rory was trying to do to him. She gave him an impossible choice to make. If he chose to move out, he had no place to live and he would be alienating his best friend. If he chose to stay, he'd lose Rory.

Claire was absolutely amazed at how good Rory Gilmore was at this game. It was a game Claire knew well, because she had played it herself once upon a time. She could see exactly what Rory was doing, and she could see how it was tearing Jess apart inside.

"It seems so obvious." Jess said miserably. "I love her. I should be willing to do this for her."

Claire turned back to Jess with a sad smile. She sat back on the bed. "Talk it through, sweetie. Talk it through."

Jess sighed. "If I move out, then it proves I love her. But I also have no place to live. I could go back to Luke, but he's done so much for me already. I'd feel terrible. I could try to find another place here, but I wouldn't be able to go back to school like I wanted to. Plus, it'd kill me to leave you. Because I know that this would just be the first step to us parting ways, and I don't want to do that."

"Alright." Claire said, nodding. "Now think about what happens if you stay."

"If I stay," Jess began, "I lose Rory. Forever. No more chances. I'll have a roof over my head and my best friend at my side. But I won't have Rory."

Claire nodded. "You just have to decide which is more important to you."

Jess sighed. "And you can't tell me what to do?"

Claire smiled sadly. "Nope."

"I can't not be friends with you, Claire." Jess said. "I have one friend, and it's you."

Claire felt tears welling up. "Wow. Still don't know how to deal with you and your newfound emotions."

Jess just shrugged.

"You're going to do what you have to do." Claire said, patting his hand.

"Yeah, but no matter what, I have to pick between you and Rory." Jess said.

"You've done it before." Claire reminded him. "When you decided to move back to Stars Hollow."

"Very different." He said. "Choosing to move to Stars Hollow again didn't mean that I couldn't see you anymore."

"Well, this doesn't have to either." Claire said.

Jess stared at her skeptically. "Please, Claire. You know as well as I do that this is Rory's way of saying, "pick one.""

"Yeah." Claire said quietly. "I know."

Jess sighed. "This blows."

"It does indeed." Claire agreed. "Maybe she'll come around though."

Jess just stared at Claire skeptically.

Claire stood up and gave Jess a kiss on the head. "No matter what happens, I love you forever."

Jess smiled sadly at her. "I love you too. I don't think you hear this enough, Claire, but you're an amazing person."

Claire tossed her hair back. "Um, duh."

Jess laughed at his friend. "Thanks for everything Claire."

Claire smiled. "Don't thank me." _Not yet, _she thought. "I'm going to visit some friends in Pennsylvania tomorrow."

Jess nodded, knowing immediately whom she meant. "I wish you'd told me earlier. I'd have taken off work."

Claire smiled and shook her head. "It's all good, darling. You need the time alone."

Jess nodded. "Yeah."

"And I need the time too. I might stay overnight. I have the next few days off."

"Gonna talk to him this time?" Jess asked.

Claire smiled sadly and shook her head. "No."

* * *

The knock came at 11 in the morning. Rory looked up from her book at the sound. She wasn't expecting anybody. It was Saturday. There was no UPS delivery on weekends, and none of the workers were scheduled to come until Monday. The knock came again, and Rory stood on shaky legs, fearful that it was Jess with his decision.

Rory peered out the window, surprised and somewhat angry to see Claire standing at her door. She was standing and waiting patiently, wearing a green halter top and baggy jeans with paint splatters on them. Rory opened the door just wide enough to allow Claire to see her face. "Leave."

Claire smirked. "Can't do that, darling. I need you to come with me."

Rory was curious, and allowed the door to slide open a little more. "I'm not going anywhere with you." She said, snidely and harshly.

"That was pretty good. Now call me a home wrecker." Claire said, still smirking.

Rory gave into temptation and pushed the door open the rest of the way. "Well, now that you mention it…" She snapped.

"Please." Claire interjected. "I'm no home wrecker. But I know that I can't do anything to convince you that I don't want Jess."

"I'm glad you've realized that. Now if you'll excuse me." She began to shut the door, but Claire caught it with her tiny hand.

"That's why I want you to come with me." Claire said insistently.

"Why?" Rory asked suspiciously. "Why should I go anywhere with you?"

Claire bore her ice blue eyes into Rory's. "Because you owe it to that scruffy man I call my best friend. You know him as the boy who you're killing inside."

Rory still looked skeptical, but she just nodded. "Alright. I'll go with you."

Claire smiled. "I knew you would. Pack a small bag. We may stay overnight. And bring a book or something to do. It's gonna be a long ride to Pennsylvania."


	15. Woman in Love

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire) belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**A/N:** Wow. This is the final chapter. Thanks so much for the reviews. Keep them coming! The epilogue will be up briefly. I hope you all like how this turns out! Reviews are our friends!

**Chapter 15: Woman in Love**

It was the first time in history that a three-hour car ride lasted for two and a half eternities. Rory read the entire way, or at least had a book open in front of her. A good part of the time, she was thinking. She was wondering where they were going, thinking about all the possible scenarios, and thinking about Jess. She was also slightly nervous that Claire was going to throw her out of the car and leave her for dead in Northeastern Pennsylvania.

Claire had the luxury of concentrating on her driving. Whenever they were stuck in traffic, which accounted for about an hour of the trip, she'd fiddle with the radio and focus on the songs that were playing.

Rory looked up from her book as they drove past a sign that boasted, _Welcome to Clarks Summit._

"Clarks Summit?" Rory asked, closing her book.

"Clarks Summit." Claire repeated with a nod.

"I've never heard of this place." Rory said, looking out the window as they passed a row of small shops.

Claire switched on her blinker and waited to make a left turn, drumming her fingertips on the gearshift. Her mouth turned up in a small smile. "Yeah well, it isn't exactly a thriving metropolis. Nice enough place though. There's a Sheetz a few towns over. They make great subs. We should stop before we go back."

The light turned green and Claire made a sharp left turn, causing Rory to brace herself against the door. "Why are we here? You took me from my grandmother's townhouse and dragged me on some random adventure to Middle-of-Nowhere Pennsylvania. I think I deserve to know why." She said. "And yes, I want a sub later."

Claire smirked. "We're going to see a play." She said.

"A play." Rory repeated, dumbfounded by the answer.

"Yup, a play." Claire said, smiling a little.

"You brought me to Pennsylvania to see a play." Rory said, confusion still in her voice.

"That I did." Claire agreed.

"Even though Broadway would've been a better and faster alternative."

Claire shook her head. "This isn't a play you'll see on Broadway. This is special."

"Do you get off on being cryptic?" Rory snapped.

"Maybe." Claire retorted easily. "Do you get off on asking boys to make impossible decisions?"

Rory opened her mouth, shut it quickly, and then said, "Maybe."

Claire made a right turn onto a road lined with trees on both sides and Rory looked out the window again. "Reminds me of home a little."

Claire glanced out the window for a second before focusing back on the road. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

It was a little before 2 P.M when Claire and Rory pulled up past a sign that said _Baptist Bible College._ Rory turned to Claire with a curious look on her face.

"We're at a college." She said dumbly.

"Baptist Bible College, to be exact." Claire said brightly.

Rory sighed. "Have I mentioned yet how terribly confused I am?"

Claire nodded. "You have, and I appreciate you reminding me again. I'm going to explain everything to you in due time. So you can keep saying it, but it isn't going to make me tell you any faster."

Rory sighed. "Difficult girl."

Claire laughed. "Pot calling kettle, line one."

Rory couldn't help herself, and let a snicker escape her lips.

Claire pulled up to a fairly full parking lot. She swung the car into a space and looked up at the building in front of them. "We're here." She said simply.

The two girls stepped out of the car and shut the doors. Rory went to lock hers, but Claire laughed and said, "You don't need to do that here."

Rory tilted her head. "Guess I've been in New York too long." She said thoughtfully.

"You haven't been there that long." Claire said, coming up to Rory's side of the car.

Rory shrugged. "Feels like forever."

Claire laughed a little. 'Yeah. It always feels like forever. C'mon."

The two girls walked towards a building clearly marked AUDITORIUM/CAFETERIA. Rory looked at her watch and demanded, "What kind of play shows at 2 P.M. on a Tuesday afternoon?"

* * *

"This is the kind of play that shows at 2 P.M. on a Tuesday afternoon." Claire whispered to Rory. The two girls stood in the back of a small auditorium, concealed by the shadows. Rory's eyes were transfixed on the stage, where a group of about a dozen people around her own age were acting out stories from the Bible. Filling the front four rows of chairs were about fifty children who ranged in age from about five to about ten.

Rory turned her eyes away from the sight unfolding in front of her, which was the story of the Last Supper. "You brought me to Pennsylvania to watch Bible stories?"

Claire was watching the stage intently. She shook her head without meeting Rory's eyes. "I didn't bring you here to catch BBC's rendition of the Last Supper. I wanted you to see Jesus."

"What?" Rory yelped loudly. Claire finally turned to face her.

"Shh." Claire said in a whisper. "Don't ruin this for the kids."

Rory frowned, but remained silent. The children were all staring intently at the stage with wide eyes. This was clearly very exciting for them. "What do you mean?" Rory demanded.

Claire raised her slightly shaky hand and pointed a finger at the young man in the center of the stage. "Jesus." She repeated.

Rory raised her eyes and looked at the person she was referring to. He was a very tall young man swathed in archaic-looking robes. His green eyes were so piercing and large that Rory could make them out from across the small auditorium. His long, shaggy brown hair was clearly his own, but the beard on his face was not. His arms were extended and the look on his face was on of peace and love. Rory studied him as he spoke his lines, and then turned to Claire with an inquisitive look.

Claire's smile was soft and dreamy. "He makes a good Jesus. Last time I was here, he was Moses."

Rory looked from Claire to the boy playing Jesus and back at Claire again, understanding washing over her. "Who is he?" Rory asked gently.

Claire turned to Rory and there were tears in her eyes. "Michael. His name is Michael."

"You love him." Rory said dumbly.

"More than anything." Claire agreed, looking back up at him.

Rory studied the young man again. He was handsome, and perhaps it was just good acting, but he looked like a good and sweet man as well. "Does he love you?"

Claire's smile was heartbreaking. "He did."

"Past tense?" Rory asked, unintentionally feeling sympathetic for her.

Claire just nodded, swallowing back a sob.

"Sorry." Rory whispered, feeling uncomfortable.

"Don't be." Claire said gently. She turned and faced Rory. "He loved me and I loved him. He wanted to marry me."

Rory's eyes widened. "You were engaged?"

Claire shook her head. "No. He wanted to marry me. I didn't say yes." She looked at Rory pointedly and said, "I gave him an ultimatum."

Rory looked down at the ground. "Oh. Why?"

Claire looked back at Michael. "He's going to be a minister. A damn good one too. No one cares more for people than he does. I mean, he spends his summers directing and acting in these Bible stories for the kids that go to Bible camp here! He's thinking about missionary work. Last I knew he hadn't made a decision yet though. He's devoted to God and helping others. He also has amazing taste in books and movies. Not the greatest taste in music, but I forgive him for that."

"So why didn't you want to marry him?"

Claire was still staring at him. "He wanted to make me a minister's wife. Me! He thought I'd be a good minister's wife."

"You probably would." Rory said thoughtfully.

Claire smiled a small, sad smile. "Yeah, I would've been. But I was terrified. He loved me so much that he wanted to make me his in the eyes of God. To someone like Michael, there's absolutely nothing more sacred. _That's_ how much he loved me."

"You were scared?" Rory asked, feeling sick at the similarities she was seeing between Claire and herself.

"I've never been more scared. Being loved that much is an amazing feeling, but it's scary as all Hell too. I couldn't let him love me that much. I didn't want to disappoint him. I didn't want to be the one to let him down."

Rory nodded her understanding. "So you left it up to him."

"I gave him a decision I knew would destroy him and that would end up with him breaking it off with me. I told him he had to choose between being a minister and being with me. I played my game, and I won. Lost. Both, actually." There were tears spilling from Claire's eyes as she turned back to Rory. "You're playing my game, kid, and you're damn good at it."

There were a few stray tears in Rory's eyes as well. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please!" Claire exclaimed as quietly as she could, wiping at her eyes. "You told him move out or he loses you, without any alternative for where he should live, knowing that he has so little money, _and_ knowing that you'll be going home in a month. You_ knew_ I had no interest in Jess. Both of us made that very clear to you. We're friends. Nothing more. For two reasons. One of them is up on that stage playing a martyr. The other is standing in front of me, trying to make herself one."

Rory was crying openly but silently, hugging her arms against herself as she did.

Claire sighed and put a tentative hand on Rory's shoulder. "You've gotta learn how to fall in love, Rory. Or else life's going to seem a lot longer than you want it to."

Rory was saved from responding by the sound of fifty young children breaking out into applause. The Last Supper was over and the actors were taking their bows.

"Do you want to talk to him?" Rory asked.

Claire smiled at Michael and shook her head. "No. I can't. It's too late for us. It's why I play matchmaker like I do."

Rory sniffed. "Matchmaker?" She asked, confused.

Claire nodded. "It's why I wedged that list Jess made into your copy of The Holy Barbarians, and it's why I invited you up to the apartment the first day.'

Rory stared blankly at Claire, waiting for her to elaborate.

Claire smiled and said, "I knew who you were. I recognized you from your photograph. The one Jess keeps between the pages of _Howl_."

The tears were flowing faster now as Rory reveled in this new information. She felt almost guilty for doubting Claire and so stupid about her whole plan to make Jess hate her.

"How about we go get some food, and go back to New York?" Claire asked sweetly.

Rory just nodded, still lost in her thoughts. "Yeah. Ok."

* * *

Claire pushed the large canvas tarp to the side and entered the apartment. "We really need a new door." She said to Jess. "This is not safe at all."

Jess smirked. "Yeah. Tony said he won't pay to replace it. I called Luke. He gave me the name of a place. I'll go down tomorrow. Other than that, we can really only pray that we don't get robbed."

Claire sighed and tossed her bag on the ground. She sank down on the sofa next to Jess. "I'm home." She said quietly.

"I can see that. How's Michael?"

"An amazing Jesus." Claire responded.

"Jesus this year, eh?" Jess said. "Moving up in the world."

"Yeah." Claire said. "How was your day?"

Jess shrugged and put his book down. "Worked, read, and thought about some stuff."

"Any closer to making a decision?" Claire asked.

Jess sighed. "Yeah. A few days I'll let you both know."

Claire nodded with a smile. "I'm gonna go for a walk, I think. I need to clear my head." She pushed herself up off the couch and over to the tarp-covered doorway.

"Want company?" Jess asked.

Claire pushed the tarp aside with a wide grin. "Sorry, babe. You've already got company."

"What?" Jess asked, confused. He looked up at the doorway and saw Rory standing there. She was smiling a small, nervous smile.

"Hi." Rory said softly.

Jess immediately stood up. "Hey."

Claire looked back and forth between the two of them with a smile. "I'm going for that walk." She exited the room, leaving Rory and Jess alone together.

"Wanna sit?" Jess asked uncomfortably.

Rory hesitated, and then nodded. "Yeah. I do." She walked over to the sofa and sat down on it, her arms folded across her stomach.

Jess looked around frantically for something to occupy himself. "Do you want a soda? A beer? We don't have any beer. But I've got a fake ID, I can go get some."

Rory looked up at Jess with a nervous smile. "I want you to sit down and stop looking for reasons to not look me in the eye."

Jess smirked. "Noticed that, huh?"

Rory nodded and Jess sat down next to her on the couch. He turned towards her and said, "What are you doing here?"

"Claire came to see me this morning." Rory said. "And she took me to Pennsylvania with her."

Jess's eyes widened and his smirk relaxed into a smile. "Of course she did. You saw Michael, then?"

Rory nodded. "I did. She loves him."

"Yup." Jess said. "He's a good guy. I only wish they could be together."

"Claire's your Lane." Rory said simply.

Jess nodded. "Yeah."

"She's your best friend." Rory continued.

"Yeah." Jess repeated.

"You don't love her." Rory said.

"I'm not _in love_ with her." Jess corrected. "I love her like my sister."

Rory nodded. "Yeah. I get that. Did you know that Claire and I are a lot alike?"

Jess snorted back a laugh, "In the five years I've known Claire and the three years I've known you, I've noticed."

"I was playing her game." Rory said, the honesty in the statement frightening her.

"Her game?" Jess asked quizzically. Then his face lightened in understanding. "Oh! She got you to play poker with her! She's a shark."

Rory was amazed at Jess's naivety. He had absolutely no idea what Claire had done to Michael. He was such a guy.

"She took me for all I'm worth." Rory responded.

Jess nodded. "Yeah. I've learned not to play with her anymore."

The silence that followed lasted for a minute, but it felt like a lifetime to both Rory and Jess.

Rory looked at Jess with her wide blue eyes. "Once upon a time, I fell in love with you."

Jess took Rory's hands in his own. "Once upon a time, I fell too."

"It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me." Rory continued.

Jess raised an eyebrow. "_You_ were scared? Please! After the first time we kissed, I threw up I was so scared."

Rory laughed. "I make you sick." She said, amused.

"Every time I look at you, I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach." Jess said honestly. He remembered talking to Claire about this, and used her words next, "You take my breath away."

Rory sniffed back a few tears. "I love you, and I want you to be happy."

Jess smiled. "I love you too, and you make me happy."

Rory brought her hand to his face and said, "Don't move out of this apartment."

Jess smiled, but said nothing. He brought his face to Rory's and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss.

Rory pulled away. "I shouldn't have asked you to make that decision."

Jess smiled and pressed his forehead against hers. "You shouldn't have." He agreed.

"Can we not be fighting anymore?" Rory asked sweetly.

Jess nodded and kissed her forehead. "Agreed, as long as you realize that there's a good chance that this ceasefire will probably last less than 24 hours."

Rory smiled. "You have a deal." They kissed again.


	16. Epilogue: All About Loving You

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire) belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

**Epilogue**: **All About Loving You**

**2 weeks later**

"Jess! We're going to be late!" Rory exclaimed, exasperated.

"I'm putting on a tie! You want it to be crooked?" Jess called, annoyed. He walked out, trying to tie a solid blue tie with little yellow triangles all over it.

Rory raised her eyebrows. "Why are you putting on a tie?"

Jess sighed. "We're going to eat dinner with your grandmother. Last time she met me, she hated me. I might as well try to do damage control."

Rory snatched the tie away from Jess. "Don't be ridiculous. You look fine. If she still hates you, she still hates you. And trust me, she's going to hate you no matter what you wear."

Jess smiled and wrapped his arms around Rory's waist. "That's OK. I'm not sleeping with your grandmother."

Rory smacked the back of his head before lacing her fingers in his hair. "I now have to burn out my eyes. Eww."

Jess shrugged and kissed her. "What can I say? I have a thing for Gilmore girls. I'm working on your mother."

"Well that's fine if you want Luke's sloppy seconds." Rory retorted.

"Alright, we've officially crossed over into awkward territory on both sides. I'll shut up." Jess said.

"Good." Rory responded, pulling away from her boyfriend. She handed him the tie. "Go put that thing back. Or burn it. Either one."

Rory walked over and sat on the couch, absentmindedly picking up a folder that was sitting on the coffee table. There was a note clipped to the front of it. Rory skimmed it without much interest, and then reread it eagerly.

_Jess,_

_Here's a list of some good community colleges in Connecticut, as well as a few applications. They're all accepting admissions until mid-August. Any of them would be lucky to have you. Good luck and keep in touch. _

_Jean Roberts_

_Director of Central New York City's Center for Continuing Education_

Rory snapped her head up and called, "Jess Francis Mariano! Get out here now!"

Jess walked out of his bedroom as he slipped on his coat. "I really shouldn't tell anybody my full name. What do you need?"

Rory held up the folder. "What is this?"

Jess scratched his head. "Found that, huh?"

"I was snooping around and I saw it in _plain view_ on the coffee table. You weren't exactly hiding it. What does it mean, Jess?" Rory asked.

Jess just shrugged.

"Jess! You are not getting away with that shrugging thing. We're way past shrugging."

"I want to go to school. I want to be by you. This seemed like it could work."

Rory grinned brightly at him. She tossed the folder down and leaped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. She showered him with kisses. "I love you."

Jess received all her kisses and repaid her with ones of his own. Then he gently set her on the ground with a smile. "We're going to be late."

Jess took her by the hand and led her to the solid oak door. He opened it and went to walk out. "Where will you live?" Rory demanded, stopping in her tracks.

Jess hesitated, and then said, "Luke said I could crash until I get settled."

Rory stared at him blankly. "You're moving back to Stars Hollow for me?"

Jess shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

Rory smiled widely and pulled him back into the apartment. She gently closed the door and led him into his bedroom.

They were an hour late for dinner.

**The End**

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A/N: **I know what you're all thinking, Jess would never go back to Stars Hollow! That's probably very true, but my reasons for ending it like this are two-fold, 1.) People grow up and change. 2.) What a delicious sequel it's going to make for! ;) Reviews, por favor! 


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